Hello Bottit, get ready to have all of your most pressing questions answered TWICE! u/dearabbotnik will respond with predictive text keyboards trained on Dear Abby answers. u/danbotsavage with keyboards trained on Savage Love answers. Botnik Studios staff will use both keyboards to bring these famous columnists back to life to answer your burning questions. You ask the questions, they respond, your votes will determine once and for all who gives the best advice.

Shouldn't that be "gave the best advice," considering how dead I am? (Full disclosure: Pauline Philips, the original Dear Abby, died in 2013. Her daughter Jeanne now writes Dear Abby. Like me, Jeane is not dead.) Also... I'm a little confused by the illo.