Trump movin in on Jeb!s punctuation game.
Could Trump's logo look any more like a business card? Donald Trump's Facebook

Our menagerie of Republican presidential candidates is nearing completion! So far we’ve got an exclamatory front-runner, an eligible bachelor, Dr. Ben Carson, a ladder-climbing tech CEO and probable VP candidate, a Google result, an exotic dancer, and a Fox News talking head gunning for a raise, but now we’ve got our shiniest piece yet. The most scantily clad of emperors. A man with all the electability of your mom’s ex-boyfriend: Donald Trump.

Here's the announcement, in all its shlocky and unpracticed glory. Jump to 7:25 to watch him enter via escalator while Neil Young's "Keep on Rocking in the Free World" blares with an irony lost on every single member of the crowd.

Over the course of the speech, Trump includes a shockingly low number of shameless self-endorsements, mentioning only his golf courses, his hotels, and his book. Not sure why he failed to mention the hotel/condo deal he allegedly tried to strike with members of the Russian mob, or his get-tough stance on less-attractive women in beauty pageants.

Some highlights from his announcement:

Trump on foreign policy
"I beat China all the time. All the time."

"When did we beat Japan at anything?"

"Mexico is not our friend."

"We have wounded soldiers who I love... I love... they're great"

Trump on the economy
"The real [unemployment] number is 18, 19, or even 20 percent. And nobody talks about it because it's a statistic... a statistic that's full of nonsense."

Trump on Obamacare
"You have to get hit by a tractor—literally, a tractor—to use it because the deductibles are so high."

Will Trump, as he says, be the candidate who will "...take the brand of the United States and make it great again?" No. The only power Trump wields in this election is the power to use his endorsement to lower Jeb!'s approval rating.

Godspeed, you naked emperor.