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Yesterday, right after I left work, I noticed the side of my hand was itchy. After a blast of scratching, three bumps became visible—identically tiny, all lined up in a row, like a bite from a three-fanged vampire bat. And they were so itchy I was required to buy a topical spray.

I don’t think it was an actual three-fanged bat, but it had to be something. Thank you for your best guesses.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

95 replies on “What the Shit Bit Me?”

  1. Bad news: sorry David, but you’ll itch like crazy for a week.
    Good news (unless you’re an arachnophobe): it’s a spider.

  3. I’m surprised none of our Liberty-loving, tea-bagging friends haven’t suggested the obvious answer: blood-sucking, non-taxpaying leeches.

  9. I really hate to tell you, but those look like “Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner” bites typicall of Bed Bugs. Wait until it’s dark tonight, then take a flashlight to your bed– by the headboard and underneath the fitted sheet.
    This is bad news, my friend 🙁

  10. Yes, that’s probably from bedbugs, but bedbugs are not a disaster. They are like fleas, but they don’t jump, or like mosquitoes, but they don’t fly. It’s pretty easy to defeat them. They aren’t know to transmit any diseases. They only freak us all out because they are so unfamiliar: once you get used to them, they are no more icky or horrifying than fleas. And, yes, you can get bitten as you sit at your desk.

    Diatomaceous earth (DE) works for me at home, because of my cats, but since as far as I know you all don’t have any pets in the office and you can easily vacate for a day, just call an exterminator who is experienced in bedbugs. Don’t just spray RAID around: that will just scatter them and make them harder to get rid of.

  14. Hah. I thought I had bedbugs. FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT. I was covered in bites all over my arms and legs. Turns out it wasn’t. Something (rather it was some things) outside got me. Don’t freak out about bedbugs yet. It could very well be spiders (i’ve had some interesting lines of bites from them). It could even be skeeters or fleas. Do a check aroudn your workplace and your bedroom. My most recent outbreak of bites? A combination it turns out of skeeters, spiders and – here’s the fucked up part – an allergic reaction to zucchini plants. No shit. The sticky bits on the zucchini plant make my skin itch and blister, rather like chigger bites. The serious downside is that I have that same blotchy look Amy Winehouse was sporting for a while:P

  18. When I had bites like that, I freaked out about bedbugs (even though they are very uncommon in my part of the country because of the heat), because they appeared over the course of several days. But then they never came back. I came to the conclusion that it was probably spider bites, because spiders are all over the place down here.

  19. Those are probably scabies bites. You need to drown it with a topical anti-fungal cream before the bugger crawls across your skin and burrows back in (the same distance from the last mark). When you get home, wash your bed linens and the clothes you are wearing. If you get them in several other places over the next day or two, you’re fucked.

  21. I’ve got this thing on my leg that looks a whole hell of a lot like a mosquito bite, except that it’s been there for like five months and doesn’t itch at all. Anyone got any idea what this is? Should I bother to have it checked out?

  26. @70; by the time red marks appear on your skin from scabies, you have been infested for at least 6 weeks. The redness and itch is an allergic reaction that develops from the mite’s carapace (shell) and waste (poop) weeks after infestation. also, anti-fungal creams are ineffective against scabies, which are insects.

  27. I’m an entomologist. Also, I’ve had bed bugs. And conquered them.

    David, act now while you have the upper hand. Throw your bedding in the wash, get a flashlight, and carefully inspect the seams of your mattress. Immature bedbugs are tiny and pale-colored, adults are dark brown and lentil-sized. Droppings look like dots from a fine-point sharpie.

    If you only have a few, they’re easy to miss, so use light-colored sheets if you don’t already. Isolate your bed: don’t let the bed touch the walls, don’t let the bedclothes touch the floor, and get these: http://www.bedbugcentral.com/shop/produc… . Don’t go sleep on the couch, they’ll just go infest your couch. Keep a record of when you get bitten–bedbugs feed about once a week. If you find any evidence of infestation, call a pest control company. Read up here: http://www.bedbugcentral.com/ And holler if you have questions.

  28. @77 scabies are mites, not insects. For mites you need an acaricide. (Acari=mites. 8 legs.) But yeah, scabies produce a rash, not “bug bites”

    Also…spiders?? Think about it, spiders can’t live on human blood. They need BUG JUICE. One bite is enough for them to know you aren’t food. Three bites would be utter nonsense.

    @30 what’s your field? most biologists know fuck-all about arthropods. sad but true. (on the other hand, I know fuck-all about, for instance, what the human pancreas do.)

  29. Not scabies on your hand. Scabies would be around your midsection, sometimes wrists. The skin on your palm is too thick. Spiders do not sneak up on people and bite them. I’m still going with poison ivy.

  30. @77 Chances are that he has had scabies before in his life (as a child or baby), and that the 4-6 week period for the allergic reaction is no longer valid. Upon subsequent infection/infestation, his histemic reaction to them is going to take place within 24 hours or so.

    Fungicides are typically amphiphilic and quite good at killing many types of infections, not just fungal infections. Of course, they are equally good at killing your own cells and should be used only on small, localized regions. Topical fungicides will work their way down through the dermis and eventually kill the scabie. Likewise, David could rub oil extracts into his skin and literally smother the mites, but this will take longer.

    David needs to ask himself who he has been socializing with lately and to throughly wash all of his bedding and clothes.

  31. @81 what? how does amphiphily turn a fungicide into a broad-spectrum biocide? That does not follow. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amphiphile

    Plus, why are you so keen on advocating fungicides to kill mites, when permethrin is made for that express purpose and works perfectly well?

    >David needs to ask himself who he has been socializing with lately

    are you his disgruntled ex or something??

  33. Did anyone answer @52 about chiggers? I got bites like those last summer in Ohio, freaked out that it was bed bugs, and it ended up being chiggers.

  34. I was going to leave a sarcastic comment, but now I just hate all the people who told the truth, because I’m going to be itching all night thinking about bed bugs.

    But it could be chiggers. I got some bites like that in North Carolina one summer and I’m pretty sure it was chiggers. I don’t know if they live in Seattle, though. I think they’re mostly a southern thing.

  36. My money is on bed bugs- but I would much rather get the follow up report and be proven wrong than be smug in my opinion and never hear the results.

  39. Have you traveled somewhere recently? I recently spent a few days in SC, and soon after I got back to MI, itchy bumps started appearing on my legs and arms – a few each day. I was convinced I had bed bugs so I washed everything I own in hot water. No more bumps! I think they were either bed bug bites from my disgusting friend’s place or chigger bites from the beach – both take a while to show up after you’re bitten.

  41. @88 – Nope, but the northwest is replete with poison oak. But, if you had either on that part of your body, you’d probably also have knowingly spread it to more sensitive areas by now.

  42. There are no chiggers in western Washington.

    Chiggers are nasty fuckers. You get them from sitting on the lawn or walking through long grass. They love our warm, moist parts, so they go straight to your waistline, your shins where your socks rub, and, most awesome, your crotch. You don’t see or feel individual bites, but instead you get an itchy, rashy thickness along your underwear lines. I hate chiggers.

  44. I am absolutely 100% positive that those are flea bites. Washington is having a bumper year for the little flesh eating bastards, since we didn’t get a very good freeze over the winter. From personal experience, I can tell you that they often bite in clumps or lines, and will bite where ever they can, not seeming to prefer any part of the body. Bed bugs would be more visible on areas of contact with the bed/couch/what have you. If you have an allergy to flea bites, like I do, they do make a tiny blister. Don’t stress. Flea treat any pets you have, and vacuum regularly. Wash your bedding now, and about a week from now (after the flea treatment takes effect.) Don’t be surprised if the flea treatment makes the little bastards bite more, it’s a last-ditch effort. Good luck!

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