Dear Superman,
Everyone in Gotham keeps asking why you’re so mad at me in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I was also confused, but then the Flash, who has been my absolute rock through all of this, reminded me of some stuff. The Flash also suggested I apologize.
Fine. Here:
• I am sorry for filling Chipotle with bats when you and Martian Manhunter were trying to have lunch.
• I am sorry for telling you that since the sun gives you your powers, the moon takes them away. I know you haven’t been outside at night for like five years.
• I am sorry for telling Alfred to dress up like Pa Kent and wander through the Fortress of Solitude moaning like a ghost.
• I am sorry for putting your hand in a bowl of lukewarm water the first time we all slept at Justice League HQ.
• I am sorry for telling you that it’s Earth fashion to wear underwear on the outside…