These, but gloves.
These, but gloves. NAKphotos / Getty

Lil Nas X is a winner, baby: The rapper’s controversial country-trap song has made Billboard chart history, with “Old Town Road” officially becoming the longest-running No. 1 single in the chart’s history. It beat “Despacito” and “One Sweet Day,” which both lasted 16 weeks in the spot. “Old Town Road” is currently in its 17th week in the No. 1 spot.

U.S. House Democrats are getting close to having majority Democrat support to ITMFA: More and more Democrats have come out in support of an impeachment inquiry (not Cantwell!) with the total number of House Democrats jumping up to 106. Once they get to 118 they will have a “majority of the majority” (there are 235 Democrats and 197 Republicans, FYI). The House is expected to get there within the coming weeks. But 218, the number of votes needed to launch an inquiry, is the only number that really matters.

I thought this was fake but it’s not: Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross and wife Hilary Geary were spotted watching this bizarre fly-fucking performance art at the Watermill Center. I once almost applied to work at the Watermill Center. I could’ve been that fly.

Greta Thunberg is officially the most bad-ass 16-year-old climate activist: The Swedish teenager announced she will be attending the U.N. Climate Action Summit in New York, but there’s a catch: She’ll be arriving by crossing the Atlantic Ocean in an open-cockpit racing yacht. Sailing across the Atlantic in this yacht seems like a nightmare to me but rock on, Greta.

More boat news: Apparently there’s been a 100-foot commercial fishing vessel stuck in the Snohomish River for more than a year. Washington state might try to seize it if it isn’t moved by mid-August. Someone come get your boat!

From boat news to boat porn: This seems sexual.

Sanders will receive the Cardi B bump: The rapper famously said “Vote for Daddy Bernie, bitch” last time Sanders ran. It didn’t work then, maybe it will now! Warren was seen frantically calling Megan Thee Stallion.

Dummy: In case you forgot, Trump “was down there also” when the Twin Towers crashed.

The Baltimore drama continues: Trump’s campaign strategy must just be racism.

Didn’t get any money from that Equifax payout?: (I did! $350!) Don’t worry, maybe you were affected by this snazzy new Capital One data breach. A software engineer (IN SEATTLE) hacked into a server with Capital One customer data and gained access to 120,000 Social Security numbers. The Seattle hacker described her activity on Twitter and Slack which helped lead to her arrest, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Seattle.

Amazon wants to be the world’s grocer: At least that’s what this report from India’s Business Standard suggests, which states Amazon wants to buy Uber Eats India. Other outlets have also reported that Amazon is prepping for food delivery in India. Amazon has not yet publicly commented on the reports.

Also moving to India: Tigers. India’s tiger population has grown to almost 3,000, making India one of the safest habitats for tigers in the entire world. “Nine years ago, it was decided in St. Petersburg (Russia) that the target of doubling the tiger population would be 2022. We in India completed this target four years in advance,” said India’s Prime Minister, Narendra Modi.

New Quinnipiac University national poll on 2020 race: Says Biden has “the support of 34 percent of Democratic respondents, compared to Elizabeth Warren’s 15 percent, Kamala Harris’ 12 percent, and Bernie Sanders’ 11 percent.” Compared to Quinnipiac’s national poll on July 2, Biden has jumped 12 points and Harris has dipped 8 points. Warren and Sanders have remained roughly the same. Why? IDK.

Pointless news: But I would like a pair of these Crocs gloves.

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Chase Burns is The Stranger's former editor. He's covered everything from gay luchadores to chemical weapons to Isabella Rossellini's favorite pets.