"No more false gods," says the false goddess. Credit: SEAN RAYFORD/GETTY IMAGES
No more false gods, says the false goddess.
“No more false gods,” says the false goddess. SEAN RAYFORD/GETTY IMAGES

California is making Trump show his tax returns: If he wants to be on their ballot in 2020. The state just made it law that Trump will be ineligible for California’s primary ballot next year unless he shows his shitty tax returns. This will get interesting. I’m sure Trump, as Stranger‘s Katie Herzog said over my shoulder, isn’t worried about losing California. “Good troll though,” she said. “It’s more than a trolling though,” said Stranger‘s Lester Black back. “It would be incredible for a sitting president to not be on the ballot in California. That state is home to millions of Republicans, and they couldn’t vote for their nominee. That’s crazy.” Crazy trolling!

It’s debate time: Tonight isn’t huge on local news, or even national news, as all eyes are on tonight’s Sanders v. Warren showdown, ft. Buttigieg. By the time this publishes, the debate will have raged on for at least an hour. We’ll have more on the debates tomorrow, but let’s jump into the first bit…

Marianne’s out here talking about false gods: And Bernie is starting his opening speech talking about the tyranny of Amazon. Yes, B! The first question of the night, from Tapper, goes to Sanders about Medicare for All. Tapper said candidate John Delaney was critical of Sanders’s policy, and Sanders just told him he’s wrong.

Warren is giving strong mom vibes: Warren was in the middle of talking about how a man with ALS had a difficult time paying his medical bills. Someone started laughing and then:

Damn, all these people are shouting over each other: But Jake Tapper IS. NOT. HAVING. IT. The constant cut-offs are chaotic.

The general feeling so far is that Bernie/Warren are teaming up to slam these centrists: And the other weirdos. Who’s Tim Ryan again? Why is he talking about doorbells? Anyhow, this whole thing is CNN pinning the moderates against the progressives.

The only point of keeping Twitter is for debates: This is basically Marianne on healthcare tonight.

The debate so far has focused on healthcare, immigration, Buttigieg’s weird forehead bruise: And now we’re on gun safety. Trump is strangely silent:

Pivoting out of these debates: We’ll have lots more tomorrow. For now, boats. This week is going to be a lot of boats because we’ve made it to FLEET WEEK, SLUTS! Great time to get on Grindr.

The New York Times has a profile of the Capital One hacker: The alleged hacker, Paige Thompson, is a former Amazon employee. Mike Baker, formerly of the Seattle Times, wrote the profile.

Speaking as a white: He’s racist.

Our new reality in Washington: Is designing our homes so they’re less likely to be tinder in our increasingly regular summer mega-fires. Seattle Times has a piece on how to better prepare your home for a wildfire, which seems pretty bleak to me but then again I’m never going to own a home. One interesting tidbit from the piece: “As of Monday, 88,246 acres have burned in the state, tracking below last year, when—by October—wildfires had burned through more than 438,830 acres.” Hooray for a wet summer!

Day by day: More House Dems come out for an impeachment inquiry. Today, Rep. Grace Meng came out in support of an inquiry. This puts the tally of U.S. Dems for ITMFA at 112.

Ruh roh guess you shouldn’t have called for a holy war: Washington House Rep. Matt Shea, yes, that Matt Shea is being investigated. The Washington state House has hired an outside firm to investigate if he has “engaged in, planned or promoted political violence,” reports Rachel La Corte with the AP.

Is this sweet and hopeful or twee and distracting?: I can’t decide.

UPDATE: An important poll.

Chase Burns is The Stranger's former editor. He's covered everything from gay luchadores to chemical weapons to Isabella Rossellini's favorite pets.