Upon the opening of Captain Black’s—a new Capitol Hill bar that serves chicken and waffles—yesterday, Original Monique offers this comment:

This place seems like another addition to the ‘get the hipsters fat’ conspiracy. I mean, think about it: Molly Moon, OS Custard, Rancho Bravo, Pike Street Fish Fry, and now chicken and waffles? There is no amount of coke to tame those calories. Skinny jeans are gonna be out of fashion soon enough….

26 replies on “Conspiracy Theory”

  2. I reiterate from the previous post:

    That would be fine with me, because skinny jeans don’t look good on anyone. But I thought the whole thing with hipsters is that they hardly ever eat because they’re so coked up all the time? If you’re only taking in calories a couple times a week, you might as well make it count when you do, hence the plethora of fatty, greasy and/or fried offerings.

  4. I’m gonna go ahead and need to try those chicken and waffles immediately. What’s the verdict so far with that place anyway? Worth my time, money and waistline?

  5. The whole thing with hipsters is that they don’t eat unhealthy and immoral food like chicken and pork and egg cream just because their grandparents did. Combine that with not driving a car and they couldn’t get fat if they wanted to.

    Coke is a “sometimes” drug, and pot and alcohol have the opposite effect on calorie consumption.

  6. I think a breakfast of kombucha, a lunch of pho, and a late night Bravo/Fry/Comet Dog, with the occasional scoop of MM or custard plus 10 whiskey/rocks and a gram of blow will keep you under your daily caloric content as long as you’re riding that fixie a fair amount and dancing to Girl Talk. How many calories does texting burn?

  7. Hey, if that’s really what’s going on — changing hipster’s attitudes toward food — could we maybe get a few clothing stores to help clean up hipsters’ appearance, too?

  11. where are all these skinny female hipsters people are always talking about? Whenever I’m walking around capitol hill i feel more like i’m at a hog farm. oink oink oink

  13. @5 Are you fucking kidding me? Have you been to Rancho Bravo? Have you seen who goes in there?

    I was being sarcastic (except for the skinny jeans crack), but I have a feeling you’re not.

  14. Bethany, where did your timely blog entry on how 30 Rock is actually The Muppet Show go? (You know, the one that was nearly identical to the one Dan had already posted…) Seems to be missing. How embarrassing to have Slog cleaned up to hid your incompetence. You credulous hack.

  16. Egads, where is all this coke you haters are talking about? I’ve lived on the hill for years, and the general consensus for drug of choice seems to be copious amounts of weed. And i don’t know if it’s just me, but since i became a morning-noon-and-night smoker, i’ve lost weight! Don’t they say weed boosts your metabolism?

    And hey, why all the hate on the skinny pants? Baggy jeans don’t make your ass look any smaller, but they have the added benefit of looking freshly shit-in as well! Huzzah!

  21. but are the waffles free range, organic, & cruelty free? eh, I don’t care, gimme some slathered in butter, syrup and chicken fat.

  22. “Mmm chubby hipsters sound yummy.

    Dear skinny hipsters, please gain weight. We need something to grab. Love, Mandaline “

    but if i gain more weight, how will i fit into all those crowded bars 🙁

  23. We’ve had Back Forty in the East Village for quite some time now, serving up the same old fried chicken and waffles, and I haevn’t noticed a major change in hipster circumfrence.

  25. Yupsters are the only ones who have to worry since they have jobs. Hipsters get to fuck around doing god knows what all day. They have all the time in the world to burn it off. Well…I guess sitting in front of Rudys on Pine for three hours doesn’t burn too many calories. Nevermind.

  26. @5 Are you fucking kidding me? Have you been to Rancho Bravo? Have you seen who goes in there?

    Yes. Hipsters went in when it first opened because it was a cool idea. They haven’t come back since it turned out to be a ridiculously terrible execution. See my Stranger review or walk by there lately.

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