I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday over the fact that I used to be an escort. He went through my e-mails and saw that I was answering ads, putting ads up, sending photos. We had been planning a future together, talking about moving in, getting married, having kids, etc., and then this happened.
I know I either should’ve told him about my past or shouldn’t have succumbed to temptation. I started doing this again a year ago because I got fired from my job and couldn’t find anything. I was so in love with this guy that I didn’t mind staying at home waiting for him all day, doing everything and anything to make him happy. It took a toll on me, and I couldn’t support myself. Then a friend recommended that I start escorting again. And then this guy e-mailed me saying he would give me $3,000 to sleep with him, and I couldn’t say no.
What do I do, Dan? I can’t eat, sleep, or even do anything. All I want is to hold my boyfriend and to be held. How do I make things better? I am disgusted with the person I am and feel so dirty.
No One Real To Hold
I don’t want to salt your wounds, NORTH, but your boyfriend didn’t find out that you “used to be an escort.” He found out that you are an escort. Even those of us who believe that sex work should be legal, and that sex workers shouldn’t be stigmatized, also believe that a sex worker’s romantic partners have a right to know about the sex work—and consent to it—because it places them at heightened risk of sexually transmitted infections.
There’s probably no salvaging this relationship. The scale of the betrayal is just too great, NORTH, and your efforts to shift blame—it’s your friend’s fault for suggesting you get back into sex work, it was that guy’s fault for offering you $3,000, it was your boyfriend’s fault (!) for occupying all your time (?)—demonstrate that you have yet to take full responsibility for your actions. You would need to do that, NORTH, at least that, before your ex could begin to think about taking you back.
Finally, NORTH, if doing sex work makes you feel this way—ashamed and dirty—please stop doing sex work.
What’s the etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house? Friends spent the night and shared some passion. I don’t have a problem with this. However, this was period-sex, and I was left with bloody, sex-stained sheets. Am I wrong to be annoyed? Can I ask them to replace the sheets?
Hostess With The Menses
Your guests had to know—if your sheets were a bloody mess, so were your guests—and they should have offered to replace your sheets. You’re right to be annoyed. If you believe your friends are selfish and inconsiderate—if you think they didn’t care about the mess they left for you—confront them, ask for replacements, and cultivate other friendships. But if you know your friends to be deeply sex-negative, HWTM, it’s possible they were so mortified by the mess—evidence that they’d had sex!—and were paralyzed by shame. If that’s the case, let it slide, buy your own replacements, and cultivate other friendships.
The etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house goes like this: Polite guests do not leave a bloody, spunky, or santorumy mess for their hosts to clean up. Staying in the guest room and desperately horny? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for an extended—and tidy—oral-sex session. Staying in the guest room and want to fuck? Fuck on the desk, fuck standing up, fuck in the shower. If your partner is one of those only-in-bed, only-on-my-back types, lay a towel down on your host’s sheets—or, better yet, a couple of your own T-shirts—and fuck away.
Thoughtful hosts purchase dark sheets and towels for guest suites. And if guests leave a towel on the floor of the bathroom in a neat little ball, toss that towel in the wash—with extra bleach if the towels are white—without unfurling and inspecting. Be warned: An unwise host who unfurls a balled-up white towel may find herself staring at what looks like the flag of imperial Japan. And if your guests are courteous enough to strip the bed before they leave, those balled-up sheets go straight into the wash, too.
I’m a young-adult gay virgin. Recently, an incredibly sweet, incredibly intelligent guy expressed a desire to blow me (among many other things). He also happens to be, without exaggeration, the hottest guy I’ve ever met in my life. I lusted after him for the better part of a year before I found out he was gay. So, naturally, I want to pursue this.
There are complications. Along with my obligatory first-time jitters, I have to deal with the reality that we will be working together all day, every day, through the fall. Which could be awkward if there’s any awkwardness after the fact. Which brings me to my main worry: I’m not circumcised. I’ve always been a little insecure about it. The one friend I trust enough to ask about this basically said that she would immediately abort oral if she realized a guy was uncut.
If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life (he really is that hot), but my friend’s opinion has me worried beyond reason. I’m at a loss, Dan. Please help?
Uncircumcised ‘N’ Completely
Unexperienced Teen
You shouldn’t put too much stock in one friend’s opinion about uncut cock, UNCUT, particularly if that friend isn’t all that experienced either and—I hope all the sex-and-foreskin-positive single ladies will forgive me for this—when that friend is a lady girl. Some young women are squeamish about oral generally, and foreskins particularly, because they don’t have much experience with cock, cut or uncut.
Gay men are much less likely to be squeamish about uncut cock; indeed, lots of gay men prefer uncut cock. My God, UNCUT, there are enough gay men out there with a fetish for foreskins to support a foreskin-specific porn genre for gay men. And even if this guy doesn’t have a strong preference for uncut cock, UNCUT, it’s highly unlikely that he’ll be turned off by your clean, uncut cock.
As for any potential awkwardness after the fuct, UNCUT, if the hottest guy you’ve ever swapped blowjobs with in your life—presuming the exchange of blowjobs goes down—is cold and distant, or even hostile, it might be because he doesn’t want to get with you again. And like an idiot/asshole/amateur, he believes that being a dick is the only way to keep you from getting the wrong idea. If that happens, UNCUT, you’ll have to be the grown-up. Get him alone and tell him that, hey, it’s totally cool if he doesn’t want to mess around again, but you don’t want things to be weird. Tell him you intend to burn through any lingering feelings of awkwardness by being civil and polite to him and that you would appreciate the same from him.
I am a “lady girl” and I strongly prefer uncut cock for oral(or anything, really.) It is so much fun to play with! I think people who have problems with uncircumcised penises have problems with penises at all. The more cock the better, I say.* I’m married, though, and my husband is circumcised.. so clearly it’s not a deal breaker. After all, he is still the sexiest guy I know.
* Not to be a size queen. In fact, I’m little miss no-more-than-seven-inches-please.
Lost in all of this is the fact that cut men are missing the majority of their penile nerves and up to 3/4 of their sexual sensation..and all due to an obsession of Americans, Jews, and Muslims to the cut penis which they have made into a fetish..a fetish for the handicapped penis.
World wide the majority of women (80%) prefer the normal penis..
Wonder how many of these Jewish, American, and Muslim women would accept this prejudice if it was about cutting THEIR genitals to please their partners?
Grow up people!
@205 Your not helping, dude.
Straight women love foreskin too Dan!
I confess to being one of those clueless moms who circumcized her baby due to ignorance and cultural norms. OMG!!! When you see what they do…! The doctors do not want parents in there for a damn good reason. It was horrible and I still feel guilty even 8 years later. I swore that if we had another boy; no way in hell would I put a tiny helpless baby through that PAIN for no reason other than my lack of research and exhaustion.
Spot on, @16!!!!
UNCUT: Ive never had a problem with girls and my foreskin. Sadly, while having my usual druken wild sex with my wife, I somehow slipped out of her and ended up (still dont know how) with my foreskin ripped. I was soo drunk that all I could do was laugh while sitting in the tub with my bloody dick.
So I had no choice but to get circumsized(at 24 yrs old!!. Not a great experience except for the Oxycotin that I was popping for a month.
I actually like the way my dick looks now, but the sensitivity is a lil lower than what it use to be. Im just glad that this happened with my wife and not some hook up in highschool, imagine the stories that would have circulated about me and my bloody self…..lol
Aversion to foreskin is indicative of 1 of 3 things:
1) Aversion to penis. The subject is either a straight male or a lesbian female.
2) Fear of the unknown. All of their previous sexual partners have been cut and foreskins look strange and exotic to them.
3) One bad experience. All it takes is one uncut guy with seriously bad hygiene to turn some girls off foreskin for life… even if that guy was totally unrepresentative.
I’ve been the mortified houseguest too embarrassed to cope decently. Sorry. My husband and I went to the city for a weekend; he looked up a couple of old friends, who insisted we stay over at their place.
I’d been looking forward to some long-overdue hotel sex, but nooooo…. my husband HAS to catch up with his high-school buddies and why shell out 80 bucks for a hotel room when Greg and Laura’s place is free?
I should have kicked him for being a cheap asshole, right there. There is nothing especially relaxing about trying to relate to insular suburban yuppies all evening and 80 dollars to avoid the effort is money well spent.
Anyway, we troop off to bed after a fair bit of wine, fool around, and wake up to a ridiculous mess.
My husband is totally oblivious to the importance of messes in general, and I really don’t know these very nice, very middle-class, very proper people and there is NO FREAKING WAY I can discuss the issues of menstrual blood and semen with the lady of the house.
So I balled up the sheets and fled the scene. I’m sorry. Please do not hate me too much, Greg and Laura.
But if you don’t invite me back to spend the night, there’s no love lost.
Dear me. I had no idea there was anyone in the world who would actually bleed on someone else’s sheets and not immediately strip the bed and wash said sheets. That kind of horrifies me. Even if one is too embarrassed to discuss menstrual sex with one’s hosts, one can at least claim to have ripped off a scab or something, and request access to the laundry or offer to take them to a laundromat. If that’s out, then most definitely I would buy them another set of sheets. There is no way in hell I would stain someone else’s sheets and leave them that way.
As a hetero woman raised in the US with a history of circumsized partners, I actually prefer the guy with the foreskin. I can’t explain it, but I just do. I guess it’s something else to play with. 🙂 But then again, I like giving oral.
I had a friend stay with me and she got period blood everywhere. I told her it freaked me out and she said she knew how to get blood stains out of things but then did not offer to do the laundry and I live in NYC and that means a laundromat. As it turns out, she’s just got terrible boundaries. Overall a nice person, but no way. Any one who would leave sheets in that condition is either a) a sociopath b) slightly gruesomely gross