Dear Kendra the Kitten,
I recently started dating a musician and I’m worried he might cheat on me. Do you have any advice?
—Beth, 22, Ballard
You know what I worry about, Beth? I worry about eating string and vomiting. I worry about feline lower urinary tract diseases, which can cause bloody urine, dehydration, and depression. Yes, I’m struggling with depression, thanks for asking. I also worry about fleas, and when I’m not worrying about fleas, I worry about tapeworms. You might think that a cute little kitten has it all worked out, but I don’t. I would kill for a boyfriend, especially one that could play guitar. Grow up and get over yourself.