This article is not here to give you any useful information about how to actually solve any of this city’s many problems. Check out “So You Want to Change the World, Eh?” here for that. This is your guide to fitting in by complaining. Here are five things you need to hate—and how to hate them correctly—if you want to fit in here.
1. Traffic sucks. It turns out that building a city on an isthmus and then cramming it with as many people as possible who can’t bring themselves to take a damn bus is not a great idea! Too late, suckers. We’re all here and we’re all gonna drive on this fucking tiny strip of land and then complain about how long it takes. Here’s how you can join in: Get in your car, open your map app, take a screenshot of those dang dark red lines all over the place, post the photo to Twitter with an angry emoji, and then set out for your destination right around 5:15 p.m. Then, next time you get the chance to vote for better transit, be sure to complain about the taxes needed to build it.
