This week on Slog, we’re revisiting some of the most popular Savage Love letters of all time. We’re organizing them in our new Best Savage Love Letters of the Day section. —Eds. Note
I am a gay male. I have been with my partner for 3.5 years. We are both in our late twenties. We have lived together for the past two years and I have always imagined we will get married. My boyfriend is an egalitarian vanilla versatile/bottom in the sense that he likes standard stuff, expects reciprocation when he pleasures me, and prefers to bottom (he finds it physically more pleasurable). I have always primarily derived pleasure from sex from the power dynamics. When I think about sex, I tend to think about one partner being in control/dominating the other. I have tended to think of myself in the dominant role.
I mostly fantasize about being with sexually submissive guys who derive pleasure from pleasing me. In general, this means I think about guys who are entirely focused upon making me come and doing what I desire, and are not interested in coming themselves. I fantasize about being with a guy who likes to give blowjobs without reciprocation. I like the idea of never having to see/touch my partner’s dick, or with putting my partner in chastity. I think about being with a guy lies there during anal, letting me do what I like to them e.g. choking, spanking, ass-to-mouth.
My partner and I traditionally had standard top/bottom sex i.e. I rim him, he suck me, I penetrate him. I found this reasonably pleasurable at the start of our relationship but I now find it stale and no longer look forward to it. We have tried experimenting with other stuff. We’ve tried some very mild BDSM stuff but it feels forced.