This week on Slog, we’re revisiting some of the most popular Savage Love letters of all time. We’re organizing them in our new Best Savage Love Letters of the Day section, which will continue growing with more all-star letters throughout the week. —Eds. Note
I’m a 26-year-old woman who identifies as a switch. A few months ago, I met a really cool dude on Match. He’s 34, tattooed, always wears black, drinks beer, smokes, and is an all around guy’s guy. After a couple dates I come to find out that he’s also kinky! He loves being a sissy, wearing soft pink panties, and has a trove of pink outfits, pink make up, pink props, and loves being humiliated. This threw me for loop but it was fun to also “come out” as kinky. I became his Mistress, I collared him and we’ve had some amazing scenes. Although he is older, I am the more experienced one when it comes to kink relationships. We’re both switches, so we oscillate from vanilla, to sissy domination, to other kink. It’s fun to go out in public with such a masculine man, to only have him become my sissy in private.
What is starting to give me pause is that his requests regarding humiliation during our scenes have started to center around calling him gay and “forcing” him to do gay things. This has ranged from watching sissy hypno and gay porn to writing a fictional “coming out as gay” letter to his friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, the power exchange is hot and intense. However, as a sissy he’ll say he dreams about cock, that he wants to suck a guy off, he begs Mistress to train him to take cock. As a guy, he’s made some upsettingly homophobic comments that I’ve called him out on. Recently, when we’re not in a scene he’ll quietly say, “I’m gay… just kidding!” These frequent small comments, leave me feeling like it’s not a joke and that he actually might be closeted AF. It also makes me uneasy because it makes me feel like it blurs the line of when a scene begins and ends.
My question is, is this more than just role play and wanting to be humiliated? If not, how do I get him to explore the possibility that he really might be gay (or bi)? I love your campsite rule and live by it, so is this on me to help him unpack?
Person Into Nuanced Kink