We’re revisiting some of the most popular Savage Love letters of all time and organizing them in our new Best Savage Love Letters of the Day section. Today’s fan favorite comes from April, 2018. —Eds. Note
I’m a 24-year-old gay woman living in a large midwestern city. My 26-year-old girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we just got a house together a few months ago. Believe it or not, things are going great! Even though our sex drives are vastly different, we enjoy a loving, satisfying level of physical intimacy.
However, it took us a while to get to this point. Her sex drive is much lower than mine, so I’ve had to step up in our relationship and become the primary initiator—something I definitely wasn’t used to since I previously only dated/slept with men. I’m more than happy to be the one who gets things going most of the time, because even though my drive is leagues above hers she’s usually game once I put on the moves.
Lately, I’ve expressed an interest in changing things up a bit. Instead of super-long, super-hot lady sex sessions, I’ve tried to make things a little more one-sided. Rather than tit-for-tat sex, sometimes I just want to go down on her or rail her a strap-on without receiving anything in return. She STRONGLY opposes this. She says that me giving to her makes her want to give to me, which is fair. I’d feel the same way in that situation. But I also believe that in a long-term relationship things aren’t always going to be reciprocal. I’m into that. I’m a squirter, and sometimes we just don’t have time for the prep and cleanup that’s required.
Obviously, I don’t want to force her into having a kind of sexual experience she doesn’t want to have! But what am I supposed to do about my fantasies of surprising her with an oral quickie on my way out the door in the morning?
Giving Is Getting