A few years ago, I was careless when working in tissue culture, dropping and shattering a hematocytometer.
Its replacement cost you—the American taxpayer—several hundred dollars. I deeply regret the error.
(Among my other deep shames: I instructed new college students that Helium has eight electrons in its outer shell—it has only two. I also routinely feed anti-stem cell trolls on slog. Additionally, I have defective English grammar skills.)
While we’re sharing scientific stories of shame, years ago while a microbiology TA, I let an undergrad student wear a fuzzy sweater to class. Yep, you guessed it, she lit it on fire while sterilizing an inoculation loop. Fortunately, she was out of the sweater and I had the fire extinguisher going before any damage was done.
But how much is that misplaced apostrophe in “It’s” going to cost us? Huh? Answer me, Jonathan!
Ha! My soul eternal, Fnarf. My soul eternal.
I–with no sarcasm, here–love my long-suffering copyeditors.
8?!?!?!!? Good lord anyone snooty enough to demand to be called Jonathan should not be such a piker to even think that for one second! It holds down the other corner from H for Christ’s sake!!! How would it gain 7 so quickly? Remember kids, crack kills.
You also eat rainbows and poop them out as Dick Cheny bobbleheads.
@5 i want to see that trick.
Butterfinger!
Oh man. I just read your other shames…
You’re basically fired for the helium fuckup. WHAT THE FUCK, MAN. 8 electrons? HAVE YOU EVER EVEN LOOKED AT THE PERIODIC TABLE??
This is my big confession… In a college chemistry lab, someone accidentally put nitric acid in a hydrocarbon waste jar (or something like that) and it exploded. I think it was me, but I don’t know for sure (I don’t specifically remember doing it, I was probably just absent minded). No one was hurt, thank god. One of the reasons why I am no longer in chemistry is that even though I loved the theory side, I am too scatter-brained (and lacking in fine motor skills) to be effective in the lab.
I once realized that I had accidentally used alcohol instead of water when making aloquots of an expensive antibody. I was embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone. It was decided that that lot of antibody must have been bad and more was ordered.
Oops.
STJA: I was seriously humbled and mortified by that one–it made it into print uncorrected.
My only excuse? In my earlier drafts, I was using neon as my example (which does have eight electrons in its outer shell) of an atom with a full outer shell. During edits, it was switched to helium.
I also dropped a liter of $1 a mL media….
My grammer is no longer stem cells.
When she died I had her cremated and kept her in a box on the mantle until my brother buried it in her dad’s grave.
True story.
Total cost to the taxpayers: zero dollars.
@11,
Well, helium and neon are pretty much the same thing anyway… so, let’s just call it even.
9
That also explains how I ended up with 7 kids.
I kept squirting the spermicide up my ass instead of, you know…
The Permalink for this story is wrong
I used to go to Bleu Bistro and drink before general chem lab (cuz I thought it was soooo boring. . . not chemistry, just the lab). I can’t believe I don’t have any tales of destruction to share.
I also was fined $100 for sampling a grape at the U District Safeway, and banned from all Safeways for a year. That was 1987. I haven’t been to a Safeway since, and don’t miss it.