….after attempting to blow up a Christmas Day flight from the Netherlands to Detroit with a bomb in his underwear:

1. The man’s underwear bomb failed to blow up the plane, but succeeded in exploding the man’s genitals, with passengers noting the smell of burning flesh in the immediate aftermath of the man’s lap explosion. A photo of the would-be bomber’s burned genitals was shown at his trial. But attempts to find such a photo by Googling “underwear bomber genitals photo” only brought up lots of underwear bomber mugshots and, weirdly, this.

2. I am forbidden to imagine just how awful the prison life of an Islamist jihadist with burned-off genitals will be.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...