“German lovers — aged six and five — try to elope to Africa“:

It is a dream that has been shared by lovers across the centuries — the chance to elope to exotic lands. But few would have been as bold and spontaneous as six-year-old Mika and his five-year-old sweetheart Anna-Bell who, after mulling over their options in secret, packed their suitcases on New Year’s Eve and set off from the German city of Hanover to tie the knot under the heat of the African sun.

The children left their homes at dawn while their unwitting parents were apparently sleeping, and took along Mika’s seven-year-old sister, Anna-Lena, as a witness to the wedding.

“What struck us was that the little ones were completely on their own and that they had lots of swimming gear with them,” said Holger Jureczko, a police spokesman. He described Mika and Anna-Bell as “sweethearts” who had “decided to get married in Africa where it is warm, taking with them as a witness Mika’s sister”.

Mika said: “We wanted to take the train to the airport, then we wanted to get on a plane and when we arrived we wanted to unpack the summer things and then we wanted to go for a bit of a stroll in the sun.”

Maybe, in the future, can we refrain from referring to five- and six-year-olds as “lovers”? Maybe stick with “sweethearts” or “best friends” or “co-children”? Because “lovers” implies a certain genre of activity that gives me hives when paired with the phrase “seven-year-old sister.”

Thanks to Slog Tippers PopTart and Simone.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

13 replies on “Ah, Young Love”

  2. Why label them at all? They’re people. Sure maybe in your isolated Capitol Hill ghetto they seem exotic and you want to call them names like “children” so you can categorize them, stuff them in a pigeon hole to save you the work of knowing them. But out in the world, where we have a little diversity, we just call them people. People, Lindy. People of youth, among other traits worthy of respect, which maybe don’t get noticed outside the narrowly circumscribed Capitol Hill artists’ entourage community.

    God. It’s so trying sometimes.

  3. Long distance information, give me Hanover Germany,
    Help me find the party trying to get in touch with me,
    We tried to go to Africa, but the law did not agree
    And tore apart our happy home in Hanover Germany.

  4. At the age of 8, I presided over my then-six-year old brother’s marriage to our similarly-aged neighbor. I had previously had my mom write “the speech” (in sickness and in health, etc.) out on notecards so that my Barbies could be married, and I felt completely qualified to officiate a human union. They were in love, and I was positive they would remain in love forever. Of course, we moved away soon after, and he hasn’t seen her since.

    We held the ceremony in the backyard, which isn’t quite as creative as running away to Africa. But I understand their sense of urgency.

    I completely agree that referring to the children as “lovers” is kind of gross, though.

  5. The lowest mortality rate for humans is at age 10.

    The average age of death over 99 percent of our pre-history is age 19.

    Therefore 10 is middle aged, biologically for us.

    Those kids just wanted to spend their “good years” together…

  8. Actually, a scandal originated in Marburg, Germany, because two five-year-olds (or thereabouts) at a local day care were having sex. The instructors knew about it and had informed the parents but didn’t want to infringe on the kids’ rights.

    They found out what was going on when the little boy told people he just had to have it every day.

  11. Actually, the original wire story just said they were trying to escape the cold of Germany and go someplace warm – so they decided Africa.

    Not a bad idea.

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