America: The Dumbening™ continues apace. BusinessWeek tells the story this time:

Many people in the U.S.—perhaps 20 million to 40 million—believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture . In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to a better place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become of all the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

According to the story, “the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.)” I wish I had thought of this; scamming people who believe that they are so morally superior to everyone else that they’re going to go to an always-open, always-free Cold Stone Creamery in the sky is the kind of business that I could really sink my teeth into.

(Thanks to Scary Tyler Moore for the tip.)

25 replies on “All Dogs Do Not Go to Heaven”

  2. I love this. I heard an interview and he’s a compelling guy. He’s not scamming because he stands ready and prepared to honor his contracts. He has affirmed athiests spread nation-wide who have agreed to adopt all policy holders’ pets when the rapture occurs. The beautiful touch is that (and I’m not a bible guy so I can’t confirm) if you blaspheme in writing, that’s apparently an unforgivable sin per the bible, so all his reps are required to do exactly that so that they can’t later get born again and be raptured, thus leaving them unavailable to fulfill their obligations. Genius. All reapture-believing folks should be presented with this, and asked, well, if you aren’t buying this, what are you doing for your pets? This guy’s not immoral, any rapture-believing person who doesn’t buy this is immoral.

  3. its not really a scam if you aren’t the one selling the fear. He admittedly doesn’t believe in it. He DOES intend to make good on his end of the deal should those righteous pet owners ascend to heaven…

  5. This is actually kind of old news – I don’t recall if this is the guy, but post-rapture pet care insurance by the unsaved has been tried semi-seriously before, I know.

    I love it, though. Is it a scam? Kind of. Us infidels aren’t the ones pushing the deception, though, so I really don’t have a big ethical issue with it. This is less like actually running a scam and more like just recycling some of the waste that comes from these people’s huge scam of a belief system.

  8. I’m offering Rapture Recovery services – for only $100 a month, I will make sure any of your dependents are safe from the ravening hordes if you are raptured before your dependents are.

    Paid in cash, of course.

    Mind you, once they’re raptured, I get to keep their stuff.

  9. How about a service for willing vacated property to the unsaved? I mean post-rapture there is going to be a whole lot of abandoned real estate in the southern and central parts of this country.

  13. I don’t really like this, as I think it takes advantage of people who have little sense. I imagine most of the people willing to shell out real money for this sort of thing are the same people responding to nigerian princes via email, not middle class holier-than-though bitches.

    On “Intervention” recently they profiled a guy addicted to painkillers who was constantly duped into scams just like this. Taking advantage of the incapacitated is icky.

  14. I heard about this last year at some point. I’ve got no problem with taking advantage of the willingly retarded, as this does. My biggest distaste comes from the fact that those longing to get Raptured are totally okay with getting their brains sucked out by Heaven’s tractor beams, but leaving their pets behind in the first place. Any Heaven that forces you to leave your dogs and cats behind isn’t worth going to in the first place.

  16. @2, according to Mark 3:29 in the bible, “Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” blasphemychallenge.com was set up by the Rational Response Squad to post vids of people willing to do just that. It’s an uplifting riot.

    Also, I sent an email to the Earth-Bound Pets guy a while back, asking if he needed any more atheists. Sadly he said he was full atm, though he did say he’d keep my email on file in case the business really takes off (fingers crossed).

  17. Surely there’s room for another business like this one. After all, he’s in New Hampshire. We’ve got our own share of Rapture-Anticipators in the west. Sounds like a niche waiting to be filled, to me.

  18. @12:

    Yes, particularly if it was going to cover some of my medical expenses.

    And also, by the time I get that old I fully expect to have my head preserved in a jar ala “Futurama”. In which case, I’ll spend that insurance money on a shiny metal robot body.

  22. A child who hasn’t had his altar call and accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior is also not saved and would be Left Behind, as would a sinful or disobedient child. Why isn’t anyone setting up a service to either take care of the tykes newly orphaned by Jesus or to slaughter them so they don’t suffer through the tribulations?

  24. Christians have been convinced the Rapture is just around the corner for 2000 years…their eternal optimism for the end of the world is endearingly stupid.

  25. Are these “confirmed atheist” pet-care-givers paid? Heck, I’d agree to take care of a potential Rapturee’s murderous chimp for a free cup of coffee.

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