How do you fail at stealing someone’s purse? A recently filed police report spells it out: On Sunday, August 21, a woman was walking alone through the Maple Leaf neighborhood when she suddenly felt a stranger’s hands grab her hip.
The police report states that the woman turned and shouted at the man “‘What the fuck are you doing?'” In return, the suspect—who’d concealed his face with a black shirt—allegedly attempted to cover the woman’s mouth, demanding that she hand over her money. But the victim resisted, pushing her alleged attacker to the ground. The report notes that when he fell, he dropped his face-shirt, “allowing her another opportunity to see his face.” The suspect then jumped to his feet and fled, resulting in a thoroughly un-stolen purse.
Officers in the area were flagged down by a witness. One officer—SPD Officer Mahan—spotted the suspect, who began running westbound on NE 82nd Street. The officer heard a crash, ran through a driveway, and found “the suspect in the laurel hedge.” He’d apparently tried to climb through the hedge only to be thwarted by a wooden fence. And the crashing sound reported during the chase? That was him “running into a downspout that had been affixed to an outbuilding.”
And that is how you fail at stealing a purse.
I once stopped a guy from grabbing me on the subway steps by screaming in his face “I swear to fucking god if you fucking touch me!” He called me a bunch of names, claimed that if he wanted to touch me he would, and ranted for blocks as I walked home on seperate street. But he most certainly didn’t touch me. Not after I’d seen his face and made it clear I didn’t have a problem screaming bloody murder.
good thing she had a handgun.
Does anyone else hear “Yakety Sax” in her head as the police report narrative shifts to the victim shoving the suspect to the ground?
Fortunately, the suspect was released on his own recognizance pending a plea bargain to a suspended sentence.
Was it a black guy again?
Stormfag circlejerk is this way, lads.
I think he should get a sentence of having to tell everyone he knows this story, one by one. Including any men/women he potentially wants to date for the next couple of years. Loser.
I get so stoked every time I get a chance say thwart.
After she ID’d him she should be granted 1 free kick to the assailants balls, after which he is booked normally. The cops get as many free as they want, and since the vic did all the work here it’s rightfully hers for the kicking.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.