Jesus can turn water into wine, walk on water, raise the dead—he can even turn the gayest man in America straight…

God’s not having my gangrene in heaven. But this screaming queen’s ascot scarf—yeah, that’s getting in.

I ask you again, America: Ex-gays…. would you let your daughter marry one? And, I mean, if someone is really and truly straight now—praise be to God—shouldn’t that straight guy spend a minute or to extolling the super amazing heroin-like properties of pussy? Being straight isn’t a technicality—it’s not about not having a dick in your mouth right now or loving Jesus to pieces or taking the bible literally (except for all the parts you don’t)—it’s about being sexually attracted to women… isn’t it?

And my goodness: cages, locks, whips… “a man’s seed is not meant to eat crap and die.” This guy’s got some interesting issues.

95 replies on “Anything Is Possible Through God”

  3. This is the guy who screamed ‘Jesus!’ when he first had sex with his unfortunate wife. Not ‘Jesus’ as a random sex-induced exclamative, but as in ‘Praise Jesus!’.

  7. “In a cage, locked away from my identity forever…forever damned to this torment of never reaching who I was supposed to be.” Yeah, sounds nightmarish.

  8. @1 Thank you. I was thinking “THAT’S not an ascot.”

    Also, “a man’s seed is not meant to eat crap and die” is going to be a slogan of some sort. Or, at least an excuse for giving facials.

  9. How is a man’s seed supposed to die, then? Because only something like 0.00000000000000000000000001% of them “live.”

  10. Dan
    You faithless sack of shit.
    Bow your head, you filthy faggot.
    Let us Pray for the courage to overcome the disgusting perverted deviant icky gay.
    Let us Pray for the people of the Qunited States of Gaymerica.
    We Pray that a hand may guide us through the storm of HomoLiberalism towards a brighter day.
    Thank you, God bless you,
    and may God bless the Qunited States of Gaymerica.

  13. Perez Hilton would know that’s not an ascot.
    Dan, however, sartorially is stuck in community college freshman mode- if it ain’t a stained Tshirt and sneakers Dan don’t know

  14. Whaaaaa… that wasnt a spoof… but… it had everything…. I kept expecting a sassy gay friend to call him a bitch… BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED, not even a keyboard cat…

    Ok, now I have to get Popsicles in Chelsea.

  18. This man is clearly mentally ill: the rocking; the history of psychiatric hospitalization; hearing voices, including a casual belief that he has actual conversations with god; believing people can read his thoughts; the history of drug abuse; the paranoid fantasies; the claims of persecution by witches….

  19. Awesome! I didn’t know Christopher Guest has a new movie coming out. I hope Eugene Levy Plays this guy’s ex-partner and Jennifer Coolidge plays Shirley Phelps.

  21. @14

    I’m with you; that sooooooo felt like a parody starring the gayest guy you’ve ever seen. How much you want to bet that he calmed his nerves before the shoot with a passion fruit vodka and fresca mixed drink.

  26. That just freaked me out. It was like a bunch of Christian militants baited a tiger pit with mimosas to capture the gayest man they could find and then held him at gunpoint while he read their script from a teleprompter – after drugging him. ‘Cause that dude definitely seemed drugged.

    I couldn’t watch the whole thing. It was too weird.

  27. So this guy is married–check out the wedding ring. The question is not what Christian would want his or her daughter marrying this guy, it’s what woman wouldn’t? My wife would be so plelased if I was so tidy and fashionable as this guy. Frankly, I’d say it’s unfair competition–you can’t expect us to compete with that.

  29. 27: he’s not only married, but according to the other video (the one where he reveals all the paranoid fantasies I mentioned in #18) he claims that they’re about to have a baby.

  30. Check out his face and mannerisms when he talks about gay sex. He looks down and can’t find words. You can actually see him picturing it and he nearly starts drooling.

    Also, sperm don’t eat anything. They are microscopic and don’t care where they end up. Most of mine have ended up on a teeshirt, kleenex, or any or all of three places in my wife. None of them have ever complained (except for the ones who grew up to be our daughters–the complain all the time–and they were the lucky ones who got to “eat” eggs.)

    I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t like themselves much over the years but this guy is extreme. He’s not even really talking to an audience, but clearly just trying to convince himself that he was made wrong. It’s incredibly sad that anyone has to go through this. He will be miserable as “straight” and probably have anonymous gay sex on the dl (which just reaffirms to him that it’s bad) and hate himself until the day he dies.

    He really needs to meet some gay families and see that if you can love and accept yourself, you can love other people and form long term bonds. Then sex is about more than just pleasure.

    As aggravating as it is to watch this guy, I really pity him and I hope he can ultimately accept that he is gay realize that’s ok.

  32. It’s so hard to believe that this is real. It seems like not just parody but really bad parody. If I were producing this as a joke I’d say that the scarf was way too much, just for starters. But I clicked through and I guess he’s serious…maybe? At any rate, his other video in which he tells his story is priceless. At one point he says, “I got involved with some really, um, shady characters. People involved in witchcraft and mafia in the gay community.” Really? There’s a gay witch mafia? Where have I been? Where do they meet? Do they have a clubhouse? Because that I need to see.

  33. Whenever I hear that he’s married the first question that comes to my mind is, “What guy agreed to marry you?”

  35. @ 23, it’s just a saying, or rather a play on an older saying that comes from a time when parents DID have authority over whom their daughters married. Parents are still allowed to be happy or unhappy regarding their daughters’ choices, however, which is what that saying alludes to today. I’d bet that only the christianist parents of “cured” lesbians would be happy with such a choice.

  36. I have a friend with ties to the other camp (a gay-friendly fundy – yes, they do exist!). I once suggested that she ask Dan’s question, convinced they’d all say something like, “Yes, I think the ‘therapy’ is a good idea, but when it comes to my daughter I’d rather she not marry someone who has a history of problems.”

    Much to her and my surprise, most of them couldn’t see any reason why their daughters shouldn’t marry an “ex-gay.” The only conclusions I could draw is either they really believe this crap or they were lying through their teeth.

  37. I watched one minute of it. Gaydar went off at 0:20.
    Anyone feel up to making a gay porno ripoff of this?

    @10: Can you wait until September to show up? I’m determined to play my drinking game with you, Barack Impostor, but I can’t really drink when I’m back home.

  38. He’s speaking of homosexuality from a promiscuous and sexual point of view, but he doesn’t speak on being in love with and building a relationship with a man. That is his fatal flaw here. Sexual promiscuity exists in heterosexual people too – what about that?

    Knowing what I know now, you can’t deny urges that were already there from the beginning. I wonder who brainwashed this guy.

  40. SHould see the comments on JoeMyGod. Good lord, they’re tearing him a new one, on the fairly less than 0.024% chance he wouldn’t like that.

  41. Oh, puh-lease! There is nothing “ex” about this gay. That is the gayest gay I’ve seen in years. I couldn’t act that gay if I tried. He can deny it all he wants, but that power bottom is gay gay gay.

  42. @36- Yes, most fundies *would* allow their daughters to marry an ex-gay, tho not so sure about the screaming queen above. It’s a case of once one quits ‘choosing’ to be gay, then one reverts to his natural, god-given straightness, so why not?
    If that doesn’t cut it, then one can ‘choose’ to live out his life not ‘choosing’ to sin with men. A win either way.
    My fundy in-laws (and church) believed in the above, and had no problem with me until I ‘chose’ to go sin with men.

  46. …gay as pink ink………..

    If he was auditioning for the role of Emory in “Boys in the Band”, he’s got it, hands down.

  47. Dan, to answer your question, I would not want my daughter to marry an ex-gay. Partly because I don’t believe they exist and that gay is something you choose and can be reversed, but mostly because I assume they’re all fundy Christian lunatics like this guy. Straight, ex-gay, gay, I just hope she doesn’t marry a fundamentalist Christian.

  56. To #32, YES there’s a gay mafia…and they will rub you out. Of course they’ll rub you for a while before they take you out. har!

  57. Bitter angry fag who didn’t get the man he wanted and now he’s trying to take it out on the rest of us (fags)… By promoting this ridiculous doctrine. You can’t switch your sexual preferences on and off like a light switch asshat!

    He will never find happiness…

  60. @52 HOLD THE FRICKIN PRESSES !.. i share a friend with her too ?.. wait a minute.. i KNOW these peoples ?.. huh…? whaaaa?..something just turned really fishy ?

  61. @54: Nah, I’m straight, Alleged. But I probably would watch a porno ripoff of this just for the lulz.

    @57: Is there a Clapper for him?

  64. You know….this guy can believe anything he wants. He can believe Jesus cured him of the gay, he can believe he loves fucking his wife, he can believe he’s going to heaven now that his sperm isn’t swimming in crap and dying. And he can tell everybody that’s what he believes.

    But he thinks he can convince everyone else – especially vulnerable, already conflicted and confused young gay people, who may already be having trouble with the idea of coming out and acceptance or are struggling with ideas of faith – to believe it to. And that’s where it becomes not so funny anymore.

  66. Is it just me, or does the guy say “dangerous” at around 4:10 in a way that makes me think he’s starting to get hard?

  67. He is welcome to his beliefs or dilusions, whichever they maybe.

    I try to really listen and observe body language, facial expressions, and eye contact. I can’t say that I believe that he believes his own words. His body language etc. indicate untruthfullness, to me. And, I pity him.

  68. @52 – Freaky, I share two friends with them and they are both strange and bizarre peeps I knew in a former life-time .

  69. I didn’t even know that Mexican cuisine expert Rick Bayless had a younger brother.

    Interesting word choices: “So many men who are lost in homosexuality, and I say lost because they are STRAIGHT UP lost.” And let’s not forget the coprophagic spermatozoa.

    Anyway, I still can’t figure out why God hates gay men but hasn’t a harsh word for lesbians.

    Finally, it is tragic that the sad phenomenon of self-hating gays lives on in the 21st century. I blame God.

  70. Hmmm…I gots a theory! The wingnut fundies would probably like it BETTER if their daughters married an “ex”-gay, because deep down in their hearts they would know that there’s not really any such thing, and that after the obligatory procreational sex, the sex would likely stop. To those people, daughters not having sex (let alone enjoying it) is a good thing, even within marriage I bet.

  71. @ 18 I’m completely with you. After watching the second video, I’m convinced that this man is seriously mentally ill. And I’m talking over and beyond internalized homophobia and the struggle brought on from having a sexual orientation that is out of step with religious belief. This guy talks about witches being after him, grand conspiracies, and he believes others can read his mind. Apparently he was committed to a psych ward at one point, and it seems he thinks the medical professionals were also out to get him. It is scary that these ex-gay religious fundamentalists would exploit someone like this. But I shouldn’t be surprised since they’re quite willing to torture their own children. What’s shamelessly taking advantage of a psychotic man compared to that?

  75. That’s cool, he’s not gay anymore…like it was a bad cold or something. But why, why must he pull others down the old delusion tunnel with him? Fine, he thinks it’s an abomination (much like his scarf), but why’s he gotta get all brimstone and fire with it? Why’s everybody gotta burn in hell if they’re not hitched to the crazy Jesus train? What the fuck happened to tolerance, you wacky, “ex-gay”, fruitloop? The self-loathing sticks to this poor guy like man-seed on polyester.

  78. @56 Oh, of course I knew about the gay mafia. It’s that gay WITCH mafia that was news to me. That puts a whole new twist on it. I’m trying to picture a pinstripe pointy hat that’s somehow still tasteful and fashion forward…

  79. “a man’s seed is not meant to eat crap and die.”

    Well, allrighty then. I hope that means he’s abstaining from ground beef. Especially Wal-Mart ground beef. That’s stuff like 60% fecal matter. The rest is old racehorses, dead pets, and body parts from China

  80. Okay, the scarf/ascot hybrid could pass for something the more fabulous of us heteros would wear. It could definitely not do so with that collar. The face gestures are pretty theatrically countering his argument.

    The thing that clinches it all, though, is that pointed soul patch. What the fuck is that thing? Don’t they make you shave those as a sign of ending your old, godless, ecstatic-sex-filled, thrilling lifestyle and the beginning of your new life?

  81. No one is going to take that estrogen-filled, sack of sequins seriously. And MT3 made the best point – he’s talking about the promiscuous life of a Castro drug addict – of course he was miserable. Building a life with the man you love is quite a different scenario, to say the least.

  82. It seems to me that he’s just reciting memorized talking points, and if you watch closely, you can see him mentally ticking them down one by one as he goes down the list. I feel sorry for him. His underlying homophobic self-guilt led him into being brainwashed.

  84. @18 and 71: In total agreement. His description of the homeless man and the man in the other room at the hospital–taking place directly before and after a screaming fit so severe he was brought to a hospital and had to be *TIED DOWN*–sound like a psychotic break. And he’s still convinced the episode was real…either the drugs really fucked up something in his brain, or there’s some other kind of mental illness at work.

    @66 and 73: I totally thought that too!

  87. Look at that thing growing between his lower lip and his chin – it looks like he got hair plugs from some hairy old dude’s nutsack.

  90. Holy crap! I’ve known my share of gays and that guy is the biggest fag I’ve ever seen. Whatever he says out loud he will never take any pleasure in fucking a pussy.

  92. @ 88 – Same here. I’m about a, hmmm, let’s say 5.95.

    The guy’s not “straight/heterosexual”, he’s just *not gay/homosexual*, in that he’s (presumably) not having sex with guys, refraining from committing the sin of Sodom. If you consider his femme behavior & ass-Scott to be stuff that makes him “gay”, well, OK, I disagree, but OK. Either way, though, he’s still way gay (no quotes), because, to me, a much bigger part of being gay than dramatic clothing is, let’s face it, the wantin’ dick part, and I’m pretty sure this guy is still wantin’ dick.

    What a sad example of humanity. I can’t really feel any animosity towards the guy. In a sense, he’s a clown. Or a eunuch. He’s reduced himself to the level of, well, a eunuch clown for Christ. Yikes!

  93. The poor man. I’m a heterosexual Christian (liberal Quaker) and I think this guy has some serious mental health issues. Not to mention his exploitation by the “ministry” that made this video series.

  94. i always used to wonder why saying g. damn it would be the number one no no in the bible, but then i came to believe that THIS is the sort of thing the probibition is directed at. to me, THIS is “using the Lord’s name in vain” and it’s disgusting.

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