When I was in university, I did a lot of driving in busy alleyways. I often encountered other cars, leading to friendly, semi-chicken contests to see who would reverse. I liked these moments, even calling them auto jousts. There was no lanceplay or violence of any sort, so the name was misleading, but I liked it.
According to a police report, the Delridge neighborhood witnessed a true auto joust on the morning of November 10. A man was driving south on 14th Ave SW towards SW Holden Street. As he neared the intersection of those streets, another car turned towards him onto 14th Ave SW, causing a vehicular face off. With cars parked on both sides of the street, there was room enough for only one car to pass at a time.
The man told police that he “turned on his flashers and put his vehicle in park.” The other driver allegedly got out of his car, approached the first man’s car, and told him to back up in order for him to pass.
The man thought this was a foolish idea. He informed the other driver that he would not “back up which (sic) would be the entire block when [the other driver] could back up one vehicle length and let [him] by.”
The other driver allegedly reacted to the man’s suggestion by punching his window. The victim prepared to jump out of his car, at which point the suspect allegedly “reached into his waist-band and pulled out what appeared to be a 9mm Glock semi-auto and pointed it at [him].”
At the same time, a white van reportedly approached the victim’s car from the rear, blocking him in. According to the victim, the suspect “realized that he was not going to get both of the vehicles to back up and ran back to his black Toyota 4runner (front plate held on by wire) got in and backed up.”
Interesting that the suspect returned to his car not because he feared someone would see him potentially assaulting another man with a deadly weapon but because he thought his demands were made futile by the arrival of a second car.
Clearly, the way to win at auto joust, as with any duel, is to have a second guard your back. If you see the black 4Runner with the plate hanging on with a wire, be sure to laugh at the driver for losing at auto joust. (But if he gets out of his car, maybe call the police.)
You forgot to find an irrelevant photo of a hot minimally-clad female to accompany this post.
This actually happens on my street with some frequency – the “you back up/No, YOU back up” stand-off, not the potential gun play (that used to happen a lot more, but it’s been pretty quiet around here since SPD put in the satellite precinct on 23rd & E. Union a few years ago). I’ve seen people spend 20 minutes screaming at each other, when the whole altercation could have been solved in about 10 seconds if one of them had had the common sense to back up two or three car lengths.
And you’re right: the winner is invariably the one who has another car drive up behind them first.
If the weather is nice, sometimes the neighbors will gather on the sidewalks to watch the proceedings – meanwhile the participants are so blindered by their sense of enraged entitlement and machismo (although frankly, women drivers seem to be the worst offenders) posturing they rarely notice us laughing at them from the sidelines.
Makes for an amusing way to while away a summer’s afternoon…
“When I was in university…”
What’s with the Euro-pretentiousness?
My thoughts exactly, bigyaz. Well, at least he didn’t say “uni.”
@ 3,4 — It’s funny because Dominic and Cienna warned me that was how it sounded before I posted it. It’s not Euro-pretentiousness–I try to speak the most region non-specific standard North American English I can, which means including some Canadianisms.
Wait, wait, wait. This is Seattle, so why did they act aggressively rather than passive-aggressively?
@5
Now that IS pretentious.
It’s cute that Cienna and Dominic pity you enough to bother telling you not to write like that.
Why did you ignore their advice?
@5 Dunno what the big deal is. Most Canadians I know would phrase it that way.
Whoops… didn’t read that close enough. I thought you were Canadian. Never mind. I’ll go with pretentious.
Sometimes, the best solution is confrontation. Some dumbfuck jerkoff in an old, beat-up blue Subaru wagon turned directly in front of me after running a red light that had been red for about 10 seconds — no excuse whatsoever.
When I honked at him and gave him the finger, he stopped his car and got out. I didn’t split, which I’m sure he thought I would do, and I told him to go fuck himself. He asked me if I was honking at him. Yes, you dumb fuck, I was, because you ran that red light right in front of me. Then I noticed that he had been holding a phone all this time, and had undoubtedly been jabbering on it when he ran the light and almost smashed into my car. Assholes use their phones while driving.
When somebody treats you like shit in traffic, nip it in the bud and go as far as you have to go to get the job done. This is the only way some stupid motherfucker will learn his lesson. I did this to some guy and he told me he had a gun. I said, “Take it out and see what happens, asshole. You’ll have to have a surgeon take it out of your ass.” I meant every word of it, and I still do.
If you let somebody get away with treating you like shit in any situation, you have only yourself to blame. You don’t have to stand tall in life, but you sure as hell have to stand up.
@8 — I’m a weird dude. This is just who I am. Would you really like me to behave any differently?
@10 — Does it count if I’d like to be Canadian? I’m getting really damn tired of my tax dollars going to support Imperialism and Death Inc. If I get a Canadian work visa, I’ll be out of here in a flash.
@11 — I generally like your approach more than the passive-aggression that runs rampant these days, but I can’t agree with how you handled the gun situation. Your consistent approach to interpersonal relationships isn’t worth you getting shot. The costs far outstrip the benefits.
@11, you’re doing it wrong. You “stand up” in life by being in general a swell person, doing good work, being a great friend, and generally modeling mensch-like behavior every day. Not by winning a dick-length contest with random strangers while driving your car.
@12 Not really. That just makes you a poser (and a hoser). If you’re going to move, then move.
Be who you are, and fuck everyone else (similar to Earl Woods’ advice to Tiger while on his deathbed, except there was something about golf in there).
“Be a mensch” is profoundly good advice here. Death, Inc. certainly has more to fear from that then interns who run around trying to act Canadian. Which is not “weird” by the way. Weird would be if we don’t even have a word for it, but pretentiousness all to familiar.
Indeed, @15 , and sad could be if illiteracy is all to common.