Let’s run down some rules for committing a crime in a costume: Robbing banks in rubber masks of ex-presidents is a good idea…until you meet Johnny Utah. Wearing a ski mask is not as good, for obvious reasons. And picking fights in a full-blown dog costume is never a good idea, not even on Halloween.
According to a Seattle police report, officers were flagged down in the pre-dawn hours of Halloween in Fremont. One of the crowd of witnesses told police, “This guy just assaulted my friend, he went that way.” Another witness helpfully told the cops that the suspect was wearing a brown dog costume.
The officers found the suspect (adult men in dog costumes are not hard to find) near the intersection of N 36th Street and Phinney Avenue N. The reporting officer notes, “His speech was slurred and his eyes were red and watery. He seemed very intoxicated.”
The basset hound suspect reportedly told officers that he and his girlfriend were waiting in line to enter LTD Bar & Grill in Fremont when a man cut in front of them and allegedly called the suspect’s girlfriend fat. The suspect did not deny punching the victim at that point.
Upon further questioning, the report states that the suspect told police “the [victim] had thrown a pitcher of beer on him prior to the punching.” The officers expressed surprise over the victim’s supposed ability to obtain a pitcher of beer from outside of the bar and “[The suspect] agreed that that was strange.”
Unsurprisingly, the victim’s statement and that of other witnesses did not square up with the suspect’s story. According to the victim, he actually “approached the [suspect] to tell [him] how thankful he was that [he] was breaking up a fight in the bar.” The victim then reported the suspect “punched him in the face without saying anything to him.”
The reporting officer writes, “[The victim] had blood coming out of his nose and on his face. His nose and jaw looked slightly offset like he might have a fracture.”
If only more people were crazy-ass evangelicals who refused to celebrate “devilish” Halloween, we might not have fights like this one. Altar call, anyone?
We should make it illegal to wear dog costumes. That would solve all our problems.
Speaking of evangelicals, I was accompanying my neighbor as he took his children around on Halloween. One house had a sign on it that said “NO TRICK OR TREATERS – THIS IS A CHRISTIAN HOUSE! PLEASE RESPECT OUR FAITH!”
Well, you can imagine how that sat with me. What was especially appalling was that the residents were too stupid to turn off the motion detector on their porch light, so that the light came on anytime anyone walked by. Since it was a busy street, people kept walking by, so the light stayed on. If they had just turned their damn porch light off, they wouldn’t have had to put the sign up. But that would take away from their eloquent statement of faith and undercurrent of victimhood, I suppose.
If I had had a pen on me, I would have changed it from “Christian house” to “Cheapskate house”
It is a dog eat dog world, young intern, best learn that sad fact now.
Catalina, always carry a Sharpie, preferably in a fabulous handbag.
fuck that evangelical refuse to celebrate halloween bullshit! white on white crime is always good any occasion any time of year. sure it’s not stated w/w but it’s fremont and stupid people getting stupidly drunk. oh seattle you are a funny one. i love you. and punching someone while in dog drag should never be considered criminal.
Whatever happened to the mayor’s proposal to extend bar closing hours even further into the wee hours of the morning….?