CNN:

In a study Gershoff co-authored that examined 20,000 kindergartners and their parents, she found that 89% of black parents, 79% of white parents, 80% of Hispanic parents and 73% of Asian parents said they have spanked their children.

But why do so many black parents approve of disciplining their children that way? The answer is complicated, experts said.

Some researchers have suggested it’s a legacy left by the brutality of slavery. Some say it’s rooted in fear – that if parents don’t use force to demand obedience, someone else will. Others said African-American parents, in aggregate, are disproportionately lower-income, have less education and are more likely to follow a religion that implores them not to spare the rod for fear of spoiling the child – all factors that correlate with use of corporal punishment, regardless of race.

Still, 79% of white parents! That’s fucking high. Black Americans are hardly exceptional. This is the 21st century. How is this barbarism able to persist? Hitting a child in our day and age. There is no such cutesy thing as spanking, there is only hitting. Hitting another human being.

Charles Mudede—who writes about film, books, music, and his life in Rhodesia, Zimbabwe, the USA, and the UK for The Stranger—was born near a steel plant in Kwe Kwe, Zimbabwe. He has no memory...

61 replies on “Beating the Hell Out of Black Children”

  5. I think it’s key to note that black parents are only somewhat more likely to spank their kids than white parents. Considering the vast socioeconomic gap between blacks and whites in the US, it’s entirely plausible that the gap would disappear entirely if you controlled for socioeconomic factors.

    Still, I think no study of corporal punishment is useful if it lumps swatting a toddler on the diaper for a temper tantrum and beating the ever loving shit out of your 16 year-old with a belt into the same category. Sure you can argue that the swatting is not useful and maybe even counter-productive, but it’s not the same category of action as the infamous Texas judge violent assault on his daughter.

  6. I was beat as a child and went to school with bruses on my arms and face. And I was well trained to lie to the school nurse about how I got them.

    Needless to say I haven’t spoken to my parents in 17 years.

  8. I was spanked as a child, not beaten. It was a tool to get my attention and correct behavior. It’s a tool I’ve used with the children in my life, with their parents’ consent.

    If at any point it shifts from that idea of getting the child’s attention into physical punishment, then it’s crossing a line. Punishment doesn’t do much, but a sharp swat to the butt redirects you pretty quickly.

    Like all tools, choosing when to use it is important. It’s not the solution to every problem. If you’ve got a toddler who won’t leave the oven door alone even though you’ve told them over and over again, a swat to their tush or their hand when they reach for it is a deterrent to prevent greater physical harm.

    You have to evaluate the situation and decide if a small display of force that has no lasting physical harm is better than the alternative. If it is, spank or swat away. If it’s not, then find another solution.

  9. Hurrah for this Charles. No cutesy spanking, it’s hitting another person, who is smaller and looks to the hitter for their sole protection and security. And a list of countries where child hitting is illegal: Austria,Bulgaria,Croatia,Costa Rica,Cyprus,Denmark,Finland,Germany,Greece,Hungary, Iceland,Israel,Kenya,Latvia,Luxembourg,Moldova, Netherlands,New Zealand,Norway,Poland,Portugal,Romania, Sweden,Spain,Tunisia,Ukraine,Uruguay and Venezuela.

  10. be more creative, my sister makes her kids stand against a wall with their noses touching the wall for 10 minutes as a non-violent punishment, i thought that was a funny way to torture the kids!

  12. @ 8 is correct.

    I think most people get confused about the difference between spanking and physical abuse because a lot of parents who spank do it with anger and verbal abuse. That makes it more than spanking. And, it must be reserved only for egregious offenses. It IS abuse when it’s the parent’s go-to tool.

    That said, I’m surprised at the survey results, too. Given all the handwringing and tsk tsking that happens on these threads, you’d think it was on its way out. Maybe it is; I wonder what the survey would have found if it was asked 40 years ago, or 60, or 100.

  13. No, Charles, it’s far better to ridicule your children in several public blog posts than to swat their bottoms.

    I don’t spank my kids, but there are studies that have shown that the impact on children’s behavior is not whether or not you spank, but your consistency of discipline. Kids need to know what to expect for misbehavior and they need to know what misbehavior is. You can’t change the rules for kids depending on your mood and you can’t change the discipline depending on your mood. Kids need you to be consistent.

    And not talking about beatings – hits to any part of the body other than the bottom, repeated hits, or hitting in anger, or anything that leaves a lasting mark (like bruises, Cato @6 – that is more than enough reason to sever relationships). But more like what QY @8 wrote about. Studies differentiate between beatings and spankings.

    I don’t spank because I didn’t like the hypocrisy of spanking my toddler for hitting her playmate.

  14. I’ve never spanked my children and I almost certainly never will. I feel that there are much more effective methods of discipline. However, I also don’t understand the moral outrage that some people feel towards parents who spank, and I don’t feel that it’s comparable to beating if done correctly. Far worse, I think, are these spineless parents who bend over backward to cater to their toddler’s every whim. They are the one’s really doing a disservice to their children.

  15. @9 I had that thought, too, after I spanked my eldest daughter who was two – “it’s hitting another person, who is smaller and looks to the hitter for their sole protection and security.”

    I felt like an abusing bully and I haven’t spanked since.

  16. @8, 12,
    I agree. My father took all of his children on “the walk” when we were in the 18-24 month range. He’d calmly walk with us until we stepped off the curb. Then he’d quickly grab an arm, pull us back onto the sidewalk and deliver a swat to our diapered bum. Why? Because explaining to a toddler that if you step off the sidewalk a car might be in the street, and that car that might be in the street might hit you, and if it’s going fast enough the impact might seriously injure or kill you is just not plausible. But “explaining” to a toddler that stepping into the street earns you a swat on the bum? Easily done. Even as small children my siblings and I never ran out into the street. We never chased a ball into the street, we abandoned any and all toys that accidentally made their way into the street until we got permission to retrieve them. So, I’d say that one swat on the bum that I have no memory of worked pretty damn well.

  17. Good Morning Charles,
    I am gonna part with you on this one. Indeed, I was spanked on the rump not beaten by my father at least once and slapped on the face by my Mom at least once or twice before adolescence. I believe I am a better man for it. They subsequently told me they loved me well after the fact. Spanking was a rare corporeal admonition. I love them both dearly after they both since long passed away.
    So, no I don’t believe at all spanking affected me in a negative way. I agree with @8 they got my attention all right. And, it “righted” me.

    But, some punishments cross the line into battery/barbarism or worse. Good parents know the difference. I have noticed a phenomenom regarding corporeal punishment especially in public and poorer and note not necessarily black parents. And, that is the need to display that she or he (it’s usually one parent) is disciplining their child or children. I usually see it on a bus or train. I believe it is an overcompensation for a lack of good parenting in their home. I don’t have any data to support this. It is merely observed.

  20. If you want your child to fear and resent you, then spank away. Spanking doesn’t seem like abuse to adults because we have different standards of injury and pain, but to a child that hasn’t experienced much, that “swift swat on the bottom” could be the most pain they’ve ever felt in their lives. The fact that this pain is being dealt by a loved one can scar a child. And yes, that fear and resentment translates to adulthood, I know from experience.

  21. .
    @8 and @12 I totally agree. Charles has obviously never been home alone all day with a challenging toddler for months at a time, or maybe his kids are like my nieces, and only aim to please. Whatever, get off your high horse.
    @19- time out doesn’t work in all cases! A four year old I know was spitting at everyone, his parents, class mates and teachers, every time he was given a time out, he would just act out in a violent temper tantrum. Finally his mom swatted his butt after he had spit in her face and it got his attention and he never did it again. He didn’t have a temper tantrum, he apologized! She felt terrible, and she had never hit his older brother, but for this kid, in this situation, it did work.

    If used correctly a swat on the butt, not done in anger and not hard enough to leave a mark is OK in my opinion. It doesn’t work for all kids, but for some, it’s the only thing that gets their attention.

  22. “The fact that this pain is being dealt by a loved one can scar a child. And yes, that fear and resentment translates to adulthood, I know from experience. “

    And I know from experience that sometimes it doesn’t scar a child at all but instead leads them to grow up happy and productive. So, there you go.

    “Barbarism.” Seriously, you fucking people.

  25. Yeah… if you don’t get the difference between spanking and hitting, then by all means, don’t spank. But time-outs do NOT always work. And you certainly can’t explain shit to a 3-year-old.

  26. My dad was beaten as a kid and swore never to raise his children that way. My mom had a more conservative take, but still used the threat of violence far, far more than actual hitting (which made the few times she did it terribly shocking in turn).

    While I’ll never condone hitting kids, I can’t pretend like I don’t understand why a parent would do it. I acted out all the time as a child, and my mom repeatedly demonstrated helplessness in stopping me. There were plenty of times when I was pretty out of control. Parents who don’t know how to peacefully keep their kids under control resort to violence because – at least in the moment – it can work. It’s the same reason people buy shock collars for their dogs. That’s the method they know that does the job.

    If you want parents to not beat their kids, you have to educate them in how to raise kids without raising a fist. Without that education, moralizing at people and calling them barbarians is silly. If don’t know how to shave, you grow a beard. If you don’t have a laundry machine, you dress in dirt. And if you never learned how to parent, you’ll beat your kids. Why should anyone be surprised that you look like a barbarian?

  27. The way spanking “gets a kid’s attention” is by causing pain. Causing pain to another person to change their behavior is called by a lot of names– “bullying,” “torture,” etc.– but it surprises me to find so many people call it “good parenting.” Research is pretty unanimous in showing that corporal punishment doesn’t produce the results parents want it to in the long run; maybe we need to focus on that aspect of it to change parents’ behavior– and suggest other parenting tools that do work.

  28. Oh, and “can’t explain things to a three-year-old”? Try explaining why it’s OK for mommy to hit you, but not OK for you to hit another kid. That’s where you end up very quickly when you start down the “spanking” road.

  29. @16: My 2-year-old doesn’t go in the street without holding an adult’s hand, and I didn’t have to hit him to teach him that. And you know how I can be absolutely sure he won’t go in the street without holding my hand? I HOLD HIS HAND. He’s 2. 2-year-olds need constant supervision. I’m pretty sure he’d be safe on his own– he reaches for my hand before I ask him to– but no amount of “swatting” can magically give a 2-year-old the maturity to remember rules even when distracted.

    What do you tell the police when your kid gets run over? “I don’t know what happened, I made sure I hit him first?” Come on. You’re supposed to be the grown-up here.

  30. @17: I think you make a good point about hitting kids in public as a public display of discipline; this may be a bona-fide cultural issue. However, I think you fall down on two other points.

    #1: “I usually see it on a bus or train”: Is that because buses and trains are the most likely place for you to see “poorer” parents? If so, that suggests that you don’t know WTF you’re talking about.

    #2: “overcompensation for a lack of good parenting in their home”? As you point out, you have no data to support this. See point #1 in re: not knowing WTF you’re talking about.

  32. It’s completely absurd to believe that spanking is somehow not hitting. Absurd. Just look at the mental and logical gymnastics people have to go through to make themselves believe that taking your hand and applying forcefully to a child’s body is…not hitting. Totally absurd. (Many people who were hit by their parents think it was good for them when they are grown up. We can justify pretty much any sort of abuse when it comes from people who say they love us and who we love and depend on. You kick the shit out of your dog — does it run away? No, it comes crawling back. It loves you.)

    It’s like when people let their kids sit and cry hysterically alone in a room at bedtime for 45 minutes and the mom calls it “fussing.” No. It’s crying. It’s only “fussing” when you think it’s not a justified or appropriate response. Admit that your parenting practices include hitting your children and leaving them to cry, alone, and just be done with it. Cut it out with the euphemisms.

  33. @27 Research on behavior and psychological impact is also notoriously prone to being influenced by the biases of the day. A swat on a pre-verbal toddler to prevent him from causing harm to himself is worlds apart from beating a fully cognizant child, yet the simple operant conditioning aspects of the former are almost always ignored in research for potential trauma in the latter.

  34. Not a fan of spankings, but I do think they can be called for in extreme situations, say once or twice in a childhood. I have to wonder how many of the people in the survey have spanked once or twice and answered “yes”.

    I also would like to see this controlled for economic status and education.

  35. I see a whole lot of comments here from people who obviously don’t have children.

    A swat on the ass != a beating, and sometimes, it’s bloody damn well necessary.

  37. I’m curious: why is it OK to hit the ass, but not other parts? Or is it not that is the ass is the only part that is OK to hit so much as choosing one designated hitting zone and sticking to it?

  39. @13 is right. “Kids need to know what to expect for misbehavior and they need to know what misbehavior is. You can’t change the rules for kids depending on your mood and you can’t change the discipline depending on your mood. Kids need you to be consistent.”

    Our culture doesn’t tell young adults that the parents are the ones who needed to be disciplined. The kids will learn discipline from the consistency of the adults in their lives, or they will only learn to sneak around to avoid angering those adults.

  41. As a kid I experienced both. I got swift swats on the but for things like going into the street or near the swimming pool, and I feel that those were very justified and taught me a potentially life saving lesson, before I was truly able to understand the potential consequences of my actions in words. I also experienced ACTUAL abuse, hair pulling, being hit in the face with a hanger, that sort of thing. What always seemed to mark what I think back on abuse was the malicious intent and rage directed at me. Abuse is often a result in the parent acting in their own anger rather than in the interest of the child.

    I am pro-butt swatting.

  42. Babies and toddlers might be “preverbal” in the sense that they can’t talk well themselves, but most very young kids can certainly understand what’s being said to them if you say it clearly and well and in an age-appropriate way. Anyone who’s had a toddler knows this. (Ever seen a baby who’s been taught some sign language? It’s pretty cool, and totally upends your idea of what babies aren’t supposed to know how to do.) Sure, there are issues with attention span etc. but those issue are different from being “preverbal.”

    You don’t need to hit a child to teach them not to walk in the street. Really. (In any case, whether or not your toddler walks in the street is the parent’s responsibility — you don’t just let a 3-year-old loose to run free next to traffic.)

    If you hit your kids the main thing the kid learns is that their parents will hit them. The “lesson” about behavior the parent is so earnestly trying to teach is a distant second.

  43. As someone who works with the public on a daily basis, I can attest without fear or doubt that, in this day and age –in the 21st century– parents do not beat their children nearly enough!

    Please, for the good of everyone who will ever have to deal with your progeny’s bullshit somewhere in the future, whack yer kid upside the head every once in while when they get out of line. The universe (and countless service industry workers) will thank you — in abundance!

  44. Spanking is only permissable between consenting adults.

    And who exactly decided that the rump would be the place that it’s okay to ‘swat’ tiny people?

    If you’re one of the millions of parents who want their children to fear and mistrust them, then hitting them will achieve your goals.

    How is this barbarism able to persist? Because of the attitude that children are property, that parents are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want to their children, and that the family unit must be preserved at all costs.

  46. Oh, I don’t know about spankings being harmless. My parents spanking me (yes, they probably overdid it on both the frequency and force fronts sometimes) had bad results both immediately and to this day. At the time, I was SO SCARED of my parents when they would go to hit me (only on the bottom, never left marks). I didn’t understand why my parents were so angry at me that they needed to physically intimidate me. It made me scared, and taught me little about what I did wrong. Nowadays, I cringe when a parent even TALKS about spanking their kid. I get a little knot in my stomach and a very visceral recall of the fear and rejection I experienced. No, my parents weren’t the most loving people otherwise, so it’s almost certainly a combination of factors, but still, at 30 spanking still causes a physical and emotional reaction for me.

    I agree that it’s possible to be more creative and actually get kids to UNDERSTAND their punishment. My neighbor out back is the queen of discipline, IMO. Her kids are well-behaved and respectful, and on the occasion when they step out of line she punishes them in a way that gets the point across loud and clear. For example, one time I was out on the patio, and the kids had CLEARLY been told to stay out of some remodeling trash in the yard, but went ahead and searched through the pile anyway. Well, their playtime was over immediately and they had to clean up what they had done under close supervision, and then go inside and do their homework, even though it was a Saturday and normally they’d be allowed to play. The pile sat until trash day undisturbed from that point. It works, the kids are pretty darn solid citizens, students, etc., and you can tell they get why they’re being punished. Her youngest is *6*, and he gets it. Much like if you’re making cookies and the kid won’t keep his hands off the stove, he doesn’t get any cookies. Or if you’re making dinner he has to eat a PB&J while the rest of the family has the delicious meal you’re preparing. Easy, meaningful, and totally non-violent.

  47. Part of what makes a crack on the ass acceptable but not striking another part of the anatomy is the shaming and humiliation aspect of it. In many ways, that’s worse than hitting–striking the child across the buttocks takes away that child’s control of who gets to touch them and how. Think about it–you teach the child good touch/bad touch, but somehow it’s OK to touch one of the areas that you tell them that no one has the right to touch without their consent, punitively?

    I have 3 children. I have struck them, in moments of extreme frustration. Did that assert my authority over these children? No. I am ashamed of every instance in which I struck one of my children, regardless of the common acceptance of spanking. It is never OK to physically dominate a child.

  48. @43- The children who misbehave egregiously are likely to be the ones who experience the most violence from their parents.

    My kid goes to school with a population that has almost zero corporal punishment families. The children are no worse behaved than any other collection of elementary school kids I’ve seen, and are generally nicer to each other.

  49. I got 3 warnings and then a swat. I never felt abused, nor do I now. I remember one epic fight in the back seat with my brother that resulted in me having my pants down at the side of the highway being spanked. The drivers of the other cars on the highway honked their approval. They knew what was going on.

  50. Spanking means you’re out of ideas. You’ve “gotten their attention” by using violence. Minor violence, to be sure, but undoubtedly violence.

    I worked for years with violent kids, kids who spat in my face, kids who tried to stab me with scissors and threw chairs at me. My colleagues and I would never have dreamed of spanking any of them, even if it was to “get their attention.” That’s because we knew there were other methods of controlling them that didn’t require an understanding that might made right. And we never saw incidents of violence rise, only the opposite.

    Of course, all of the violent kids were spanked regularly at home by exhausted, frustrated parents. So violence became a language to them, a means of communication when there were no words to express their rage, their bitterness, their feelings of helplessness.

    Just because you feel like being spanked as a child didn’t hurt you, and maybe even helped you, that doesn’t mean that there weren’t a variety of non-violent methods that would have “gotten your attention.” It just means that your parents, like most parents, weren’t aware, or even interested in those methods. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea to teach children that violence is how we deal with children who aren’t doing what adults tell them to do.

  51. @49, the fact that you got three warnings means you didn’t respect your parents enough to heed the first two and that spanking really didn’t mean anything other than a few moments of discomfort. That doesn’t mean that you were abused, only that spanking didn’t work.

  52. grew up with just my mom. she had an angry look and an angry voice that could KILL. she was never verbally abusive; she just knew how to get angry in a way that it would mortify a little kid and get them to behave. so, she never needed to touch us. i had a friend who would tell me about getting spanked. when she did that i would get frightened and also thought that her parents were barbaric.

    i just remember that thought from being a kid – that her parents were barbaric. i don’t necessarily think it now (it’s all relative – maybe for certain kids a little spanking is appropriate). i just remember thinking that.

  53. In an online group of half Americans and half Europeans, it was found that most of the Americans approved of spanking, and none of the Europeans did. The Europeans hadn’t had spanking used on them, the Americans had. “But how were you disciplined?” They couldn’t explain/remember. Seems to have worked though.

  54. My dad fairly well traumatized me, with just spankings, and the threat of further violence. Our family lived in fear of my father, and to this day I can’t stand “father figures”, and have no desire to be a parent.

  56. I’m in favor of spanking. Planning to give the wife a good spanking later on this evening. 🙂 But, and this is a very significant point, first she has to BEG for it. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Seriously, though- worked in children’s education for a lot of years. There are many flaws with corporal punishment, but the one that clearly trumps everything is that it DOES NOT WORK.

    Teaching children that those who are bigger, stronger, and in authority can use violence to reinforce their will is not going to result in better behaved children. Just NOT gonna work.

  57. My partner is Nigerian (born in the UK just after his parents immigrated here.) He feels it is simply culturally accepted/expected in African families to use severe physical “discipline” with kids.

    He told me that his mother once put his sister in the hospital after hitting her with a cast iron frying pan. I said, “That’s terrible! What could make her do that?” He said “Well my sister was trying to stab my mum.” After this episode his sister left home and wasn’t heard from for two years – nobody to this day knows where she was.

    He also told me plenty of stories about his dad beating him as a punishment for nearly being run over in the street (WTF?!) and his mum taking a rolling pin to him after he went to an all night party.

    Despite the fact that this abuse clearly didn’t work in bringing the kids into line – in fact my boyfriend was even sent over to Nigeria for a year when he was 15 as his mum couldn’t cope with his antics – he still just shrugs his shoulders and says “that’s how we do things in African families, you have to teach them respect!”

    He applied the same principles to raising his own kids (although not to the extent of beating them, thank god, he did smack them) but will then tell me about how his son regularly stole money from both parents and his daughter would deliberately ruin things, for example pouring a can of drink all over the back seat of a new car!

    Although I freely admit making many mistakes when raising my son, failing to hit him definitely wasn’t one of them. My son may be sometimes lazy and reluctant to help around the house, but he has never stolen from me, shouted at me or sworn at me, and in general obeys his curfew times, helps out, etc. He loves and respects me rather than fearing me, and me saying “I’m disappointed in you” or “You’ve let me down” has a far, far greater impact than a whack on the bum could ever do.

    For the record, my white, middle-class, well-educated father beat me and my sister, and neither of us have had any contact with him since 1989.

  58. I’ve heard that physical punishment, delivered well after the transgression and after tempers have cooled (the proverbial “wait till your father gets home”), can be an effective disciplinary tool. I wouldn’t know because I never experienced that. Whenever my mother “spanked” me it was because she was out of control emotionally and taking it out on me. She didn’t teach me discipline, it was more like, “OK, Mom’s losing it again.” When I was big enough to hit back I did, and that was the end of that. It did the exact opposite of instilling respect.

  60. I don’t have children, so I’m the last one to be an authority. As a child, I was spanked (not nearly as many times as I deserved) so I would have to say that it certainly is an effective method of getting a child’s attention, redirecting them, etc. I always “thought” that if I had children, I wouldn’t be opposed to a swat on the bottom, and I’ve certainly seen stranger’s children in public that I thought merited the same.

    However, when I chose a trainer for my dog, I made sure that the training was in no way corporeally based. In fact it couldn’t be since much of the training is based on hand signals, and if the dog learns to fear a raised hand, it would be counterproductive. So I REALLY have no idea what I’m talking about. The only thing I know for sure is that I’m glad it’s a decision that I’ll never have to make.

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