Love Our Arts & Culture Coverage?
You can help fund it!
I don’t know what the fuck these guys are talking about. They stole all my elementary school fighting techniques and are claiming that they work. WTF?!
“Don’t roll over on your stomach, because the bully will grab your head and bounce it off the sidewalk.” Thanks for the tip!
h/t: Everything Is Terrible!
Grant Brissey covered everything from hard news and technology, to music, film, and visual arts during his time working for The Stranger. Grant's work has also appeared at Geekwire, and in Billboard,... More by Grant Brissey
Comments are closed.
Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!
Hey, that was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!
I honestly have no idea what to make of this.
When I was kid my dad was always of the “just punch them in the nose” school of dealing with bullies. This never worked for me. In high school I discovered that pulling an ice pick on them seemed to work okay, but I wouldn’t recommend that tactic in this day and age.
Hair pulling, eye gouging, biting, foot-stomping and pinching are definitely the way to go. And I guess the trick is definitely not to hang around to see how it worked.
Judah is off to a good start there. I was a target of physical violence daily for years at my school. (It was a terrible, terrible school.) It finally ended when I stopped trying to get authorities to help or to have the moral high ground, but started fighting really dirty and really hard and without any regard for whether or not I would get in trouble or send anyone to the hospital. I had also been studying Judo for a year, so that helped.
The “for kids” part makes it seem like there’s another Bully Smart for grown-ups. I would give anything for this to be true.
I just like how the kid comments on the bullying without getting involved. Even thoughit’s staged, I laughed.
That said, these techniques just seem designed to get the bully really fucking mad at you, and looking to stomp a mudhole in your ass the next time he sees you.
Don’t lube up your butthole…or a bully will fuck it!
I had a couple kids following me home and harassing me, throwing rocks, etc., until the day one of them jumped out of a bush to assault me and scared me so bad I hit him square in the throat with the tip of my umbrella. I’m surprised he didn’t die. They actually never bothered me again. Umbrellas rock.
the only time I ever stood up to bullies I pulled the old “crazy and violent” act, turning bright red, screaming at the top of my lungs, and windmilling my way into the middle of the chief bastard without caring whether I got hurt or not. I didn’t stop until after three teachers pulled me off him. I didn’t hurt him but I sure as hell scared the crap out of him, and I was never hassled again.
my kids have a few merciless little fucks at their school ~ they got harassed a bit last year but so far so good this year. let’s hope it keeps up this way.
@9, you must have done that before schools started developing no tolerance policies. Lucky You. what kind of lesson for the real world is that to punish kids for defending themselves. School authorities don’t even ask for witness accounts as to what happened, like would be done in the real world.
Then again, maybe I did go a little to far lifting my desk over my head and throwing it at that asshole who tried punching me from behind right after the teacher stepped out of the classroom.
God, 7th grade sucked!
I did a fair amount of martial arts over the years. This vid is not terrible. Most of what they cover is a softened version of a few things typically taught in a woman’s rape prevention seminar.
And the warning about turning turtle is vital. Turn turtle in any kind of assault and you’re toast. Wrestlers have exactly the wrong move.