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The HUMP! jury is deliberating.

UPDATE: “Is that her butt? I think so.”

UPDATE 2: “Serious plot holes.”

UPDATE 3: “This would be a better porn with, you know, sex. And banjo? In porn?”

UPDATE 4: “I’m bummed out that they’re not really amputees.”

UPDATE 5: “Are those stripper-pole bruises?”

UPDATE 6: “So that’s what a crucifix sounds like.”

UPDATE 7: “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD. Holy shit! My God! Christ… Okay, that one’s in.”

UPDATE 8: “Delivery boy porn—but it’s coffee instead of pizza. How Northwest!”

UPDATE 9: “This isn’t the ass hook one.”

UPDATE 10: “I’m sorry, but HUMP! is better than this.”

UPDATE 11: “Yakety Sax doesn’t usually go on this long.”

UPDATE 12: “I think they’re—they’re germs, living in someone’s anus, and they’re eating poop and it turns them on.”

UPDATE 13: “For the record: I do not have a boner.”

The HUMP! jury is adjourning for lunch. Wish us luck.

The HUMP jury has reconvened.

UPDATE 14: “Tired of strap-on dildos, tired of strap-on dildos, tired of strap-on dildos. Balls!”

UPDATE 15: “I keep getting raped, you guys!”

UPDATE 16: “This one smells weird.”

UPDATE 17: “Wanna unsee that.”

The HUMP! jury has been watching porn—in five minute increments—for eight straight hours. We have been driven to drink. The HUMP! jury sent the HUMP! intern out to get a bottle of Maker’s Mark, which is now nearly empty.

UPDATE 18: “The Atari part should be in it because he puts it up his butt later.”

UPDATE 19: “Triple rape rainbow—what does it mean?”

UPDATE 20: “The egg pop was pretty great.”

35 replies on ““But that’s too far down for a clit—it’s like a big, weird ball.””

  6. Jesus, what have you guys been smoking? Or have you been eating the brownies Dan had in his bag? You know, the ones that got sniffered by the dog at the airport? I bet you guys have the munchies right now, huh?

    I’ve NEVER been into that, but I’m seriously ready to reconsider. Some of this stuff you just can’t make up!

  11. Okay, I’m sooooo in! Never done it before but you gotta start sometime. Where can I get me some of that shit? Please tell me it’s brownies, I really really don’t like smoke.

  13. *ahem*
    … i once saw film where man put his foot, all the way up to his shin, up another man’s ass. i was most defintely NOT pleasuring myself at the time. was that porn ?

  17. @13 OMG.

    Maybe. What were either of them doing with their dicks while this was going on?

    That’s a loaded question. I would’ve probably forgotten to look at their dicks as I watched the foot and leg go up the guys ass.

  20. Judging by some of the poorer entries that actually made the cut last year, I really don’t envy you at all… I bet you have to go through a lot of crap videos to find the videos fit for an audience.

  33. Maker’s Mark? I’d think that something stronger than 90 proof would be needed. Next time try Booker’s it is uncut, unfiltered, undiluted straight from the barrel, and ranges from 121-127 proof. That will make you sit up and take notice.

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