I guess the Republicans know they can’t beat Hillary, so they’ve decided to go after someone who’s not even running: Bill Clinton.
A handful of GOP candidates have started dragging Bill into the conversation, who, just to be clear, is not running for any office right now. (That we know of. He might have a secret plan to launch a campaign for county assessor or something. It’s nice to have a hobby in your retirement.)
When it comes to Clinton, some of the GOP candidates seem to be taking their rhetorical cues directly from Donald Trump, which is at best depressing and at worst a sign of an impending apocalypse.
Why Bill, why now? Because right after the new year starts, he’s going to go out on a campaign trail to stump for Hillary. Bill’s part of the Hillary 2016 arsenal, so it seems as though Trump is launching a preemptive attack on his former golf buddy.
“You look at whether it’s Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones or many of them,” Trump said on the Today show. True to form, that sentence does not actually make any sense: what ABOUT them, Donald?
Trump also tweeted this: “Remember that Bill Clinton was brought in to help Hillary against Obama in 2008. He was terrible, failed badly, and was called a racist!”
This is another clever Trumpy word-twist: He’s saying, “now, I’M not saying he’s a racist. But he’s been CALLED a racist. Do you think he’s a racist? I don’t know, but some people say he is!” And all that his supporters, whose reading comprehension is barely measurable, will hear is that the Clintons don’t care about black people.
Noted idiot Ben Carson is jumping on the anyone-but-Bill train as well. Here’s why he believes Bill was bad for society:
“As a pediatric neurosurgeon, I deal with a lot of children, and I see them becoming coarser and wanting to know what certain things are that they’re hearing about on television — things that they would’ve never known about as kids before. And a certain innocence disappears from our society. I’m sorry to see that happen, and I’m sorry that it was because one of our presidents.”
Yeah sure, you remember how kids in the 90s all lost their innocence by watching impeachment coverage on 60 Minutes? All those little 10-year-olds, slowly lowering their morning edition of the New York Times as they sipped their morning coffee at the breakfast table, staring miserably into the distance, murmuring, “I guess now I’m a man.”
Yes, it was definitely Bill Clinton who was corrupting the minds of the youth in the 90s. Beavis and Butthead totally took their cue from him.
Also what does any of that have to do with running for president? Oh, nothing. The same as anything else Ben Carson does.
In a late Xmas gift to political comedians, Trump is about to unleash a $2-million-per-week wave of TV ads in the new year, so those should be fairly entertaining. I’m legitimately looking forward to whatever Donald Trump has to say about Clinton in the magical television medium. Could it possibly rival Carly’s Demon Sheep ad from a few years ago?
Speaking of Carly Fiorina: she, oddly enough, seems to be the only Republican talking sense. “You’re not going to beat Hillary Clinton by attacking Bill Clinton,” she said on Fox News. That’s probably true!
But then she added: “You’re going to beat Hillary Clinton — I’m going to beat Hillary Clinton — by attacking her track record and her trustworthiness.”
Haha, okay Carly, sure, you and your 2 percent support and your whopping three endorsements are going to beat Hillary, sure. Maybe you’ll get a bump in the polls when you declare a kicking fetus as your running mate.
