A recipe for boiled eggs Vladimir Nabokov wrote in 1972, after he had moved to the Montreux Palace Hotel in Switzerland, where he would stay until his death.
Boil water in a saucepan (bubbles mean it is boiling!). Take two eggs (for one person) out of the refrigerator. Hold them under the hot tap water to make them ready for what awaits them.
Place each in a pan, one after the other, and let them slip soundlessly into the (boiling) water. Consult your wristwatch. Stand over them with a spoon preventing them (they are apt to roll) from knocking against the damned side of the pan.
If, however, an egg cracks in the water (now bubbling like mad) and starts to disgorge a cloud of white stuff like a medium in an oldfashioned seance, fish it out and throw it away. Take another and be more careful.
After 200 seconds have passed, or, say, 240 (taking interruptions into account), start scooping the eggs out. Place them, round end up, in two egg cups. With a small spoon tap-tap in a circle and then pry open the lid of the shell. Have some salt and buttered bread (white) ready. Eat.
Take another and be more careful!
The easier way, which prevents cracking, is to put them in the pan before you set it on the stove. Then when the water starts to boil, set the timer for 3 minutes. Take them out and eat. You break a lot fewer eggs that way.
sorry greg, your recipe sucks.
Absolutely wonderful. That made my morning.
Next time I write down a recipe I’m going to write it in the style of Nabokov…..
so is the water boiling? I wasn’t clear.
“Hold them under the hot tap water to make them ready for what awaits them” is one of the best sentences I’ve ever read.
I like the “round end up” part.
@4: I want an entire cookbook written like this. Get on it.
Greg’s recipe is obviously for soft-boiled eggs.
Vlad’s holding the eggs under warm tap water prior to boiling sounds intriguing.
@6: I feel that way about many of Nabokov’s sentences.
@6: That’s exactly what I was going to say. Whimsical yet tinged with dread.
Vladimir Nabokov makes me feel inferior in every way: He writes –in his fourth language– more eloquently and compellingly than I could ever muster.
above is ok for old fashioned in the shell soft…
Hard Boiled, here, easy, put them in the water – bring to a boil, some bubbles is the boil, turn off the heat, cover with anything, plate etc., let set for 10 minutes, take to the sink and pour off hot water, run cold to cool at once …. voila…. perfect hard boiled eggs that easily peel.
Soft boiled is silly, poach them…easy, perfect, no shell bits, better taste..
Egg Lover ( do a batch of Hard boiled and make deviled eggs )
@13: but then you don’t get to use an egg cup. Or a tiny spoon. So really, what’s the point?
Unless eggs Benedict is involved, in which case, carry on.
“Just like the
eggs in the
recipe by Nabokov
Don’t stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me…”
“If, however, an egg cracks in the water (now bubbling like mad) and starts to disgorge a cloud of white stuff like a medium in an oldfashioned seance…”
That may be the single funniest sentence Nabokov ever wrote. That was the first time I’ve ever ACTUALLY spat coffee on my keyboard.
@15: shame that Sting didn’t know how to pronounce his name.
@12: English was actually Nabokov’s first written language. He was raised trilingually, Russian, English and French, like all good little aristocratic scholars of the day. German came later.