- “I am basically farting in your face right now.”
It’s such a tease, you know? Every day at 3:35 pm my phone buzzes and I’m all, “OOOOH! Is a handsome nobleman calling to make me his childbride?” and then—once again, every time—it’s just a bunch of poop.
But once a week or so, I’m reminded why I could never say goodbye:
Black market cigarettes made of poo?
Black market cigarettes might come cheaper than those sold over the counter, but smokers hooked on their contraband habit might want to consider this: They’re probably smoking poo.
The National Coalition Against Contraband Tobacco says illegal cigarettes are not just sold illegally, but are manufactured that way, too. Many of these underground processing areas are set up in tool sheds and garages, where spider’s eggs, animal and even human feces can mix with the finished product.
I could never say goodbye because POOP IS HILARIOUS. Add spider eggs to the equation and I’m yours for life.
(Full article is here.)
And where would one find these poop-laced smokes? I’ve never seen a “contraband” cigarette in my life. Sounds like an urban myth to me.
Ahhhhh! The aroma of burning dung! Viva merde! Sounds like the tobacco companies are facing competition.
It’s all in the membership of NCACT: The members of the NCACT include: Canadian Convenience Stores Association (CCSA), Retail Council of Canada, National Convenience Stores Distributors Association (NACDA), Canadian Chamber of Commerce, Canadian Tobacco Manufacturers Council, Duty Free Association, Fédération des Chambres de Commerce du Québec (FCCQ), Conseil du Patronat du Québec (CPQ), l’Association des marchands dépanneurs et épiciers du Québec (AMDEQ), Toronto Crime Stoppers, and The Customs & Immigration Union (CIU).
You need to read Ronald Dahl’s autobiography. The dude was decades ahead you on this trend.
That explains the flavor of those Bangladeshi cigarettes I had.
@2 I believe you mean “vive la merde”.
I think you should broaden it to the rest-of-the-world spelling of faeces; more good results?