Here’s a sign I saw today:
- L.A.’s fifth best hospital.
You guys, NO!!!!! When I’m coming in for my vagina inspection or whatever, I don’t need to be reminded that there are literally twos of other better hospitals with better doctors and cleaner needles and warmer vagina machines! To paraphrase Ricky Gervais, “That’s like saying you have Britain’s number one wasting disease.”
To be fair, though, there are six hospitals in L.A. So they definitely beat Garbage County General (it’s primarily a hospital, but they also do cash-4-gold and smog checks). Speaking of unappealing hospitals (LET’S DO, SHALL WE?), remember that show Diagnosis Murder? Those fake doctors went to the worst fake medical school ever.
Patient (Probably Jack Klugman or Something): “Cough, cough.”
Dick Van Dyke: “Your diagnosis is…MURDER!”
Patient Klugman: “What? Murder is not a diagnosis. Also, I am clearly still alive.”
Dick Van Dyke: “Oh, you’re right, I’m looking at my chart again…it’s bronchitis. Here is your medicine.”
Patient Klugman: “Cough, cough.”
Murder is not a disease, you guys. The only time a doctor would say “diagnosis MURDER” is if he was about to murder you, and also he was a real wiseguy. Hey, you know what they should do? They should make a courtroom spin-off of Diagnosis Murder where the judge would be all, “I find you guilty…of LUPUS!!!” They could call it Verdict: Pneumonia. Don’t steal that.
TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER. I’M OFF TO DO HOLLYWOOD THINGS LIKE PLAY TENNIS WITH VAL KILMER.
Love,
Lindy
In Copenhagen there’s a huge lit up permanent sign proclaiming: “Carlsberg. Probably the best beer in town.”
I thought Val Kilmer only played beach volleyball.
You should definitely go hang out with Linds at the morgue. It’s THE hip place these days.
Phrases like “vagina inspection” tend to distract me from reading the author’s name, but I thought, “that sure reads like Lindy!”
And it was!
@2, that was Young Val Kilmer. Lindy will face off against No Longer Young Val Kilmer, who plays tennis, golfs, and eats deviled eggs by the fistful.
It’s never lupus: http://youtu.be/vpkzhvZ_CFM
I don’t think Val Kilmer does much in the way of tennis these days. Last time I saw him, he was getting a trifle portly. Still cute, though.
@7. Yeah, it’s tough to see. I thought he was the coolest human being on the planet for a time in the late 80’s there. Thank god I didn’t get any older.
Lindy – do you like living in LA?
@1: Denmark has strict rules about claims you can make in advertising, and harsh penalties. Unless you can prove your beer is “the best” you better not claim it.
There are actually 137 hospitals in the greater Los Angeles area.
http://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/…
(Really, Lindy? Did you ever stop to think that six hospitals seems mighty low? Or was the opportunity for a snarky post too good to pass up?)
I give absolutely FREE vagina inspections, no supernumary distrations either.
Please note that the sign in the picture says the award is for 2011-2012. A bit premature, no?
@12, maybe they are aiming to be higher than 2009 to 2010?
@12 – “#1 Hospital in Jumping the Gun, 2016”
Their first idea was “LA’s Most Improved Hospital, 2012”.
Maybe they are the #1 LA hospital for vagina inspections but they just didn’t want to put that on the sign.
“Hah, I’m Gwen, I’m here to waaaaaaaaash yer vagina!”
That’s all I got.
@ #10 –
Lighten up Francis
@17: Yup, that’s all I’ve been thinking since I first saw this!
Other than just the fact that we need more Lindy on this blog. More warm vagina machines, more Val Kilmer, more boring driving through LA. Just more.
LINDY WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US??
If this sign were at a Seattle area hospital I’d feel it involved me somehow.
Lindy– Only one week left on the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA.