This assault-rifle-chainsaw combo has everything—a saw, a rifle, rainbows, ponies, some sparkly dangly shit—a child/gay lumberjack could yearn for. Allow me to present the OMG-AR15 Unicorn “zombie gun” (via Boing Boing):

I don’t know squat about zombies but a gun like this would instantly improve my prey-to-tree kill ratio, just as my Flossing Cleaver™ did wonders for my gums and tenderloins.

Hat tip, Marc.

Former Stranger news writer Cienna Madrid has been a writer in residence for Richard Hugo House, a local literary nonprofit. There, she taught fiction classes and wrote 4/5 of a book about a death-row...

3 replies on “Finally: An Assault Rifle for Little Girls and Aggressively Gay Lumberjacks”

  1. That looks like a .223 caliber assault rifle. It’s a high-velocity low caliber assault rifle developed by the US military to penetrate the hard surfaces of the human skull and kill the target by bouncing around inside of the skull until the brain is sliced and diced in multiple directions. In other words, the bullet is designed to have the right speed and size that it can enter the head, but causes real damage by not being able to exit the head. Zombie flesh would be softer, and the .223 would just go straight through the head and not cause enough damage. A 12 or 16 gauge pump action shotgun, preferably with pistol grip and side saddle would be better for defense against zombies. I’d take my Remington 870 pump action 12 gauge shotgun and my Stihl Farm Boss 290 chainsaw with a 20 inch bar over this any day of the week.

    Sincerely,
    An Aggressively Gay Lumberjack

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