In this economy, Atlanta’s Travis Broyles will do almost anything for a buck. For example:

Things I Will Do For $5:
Stare at you for 5 minutes
Give a hug to the person of your choosing
Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes
Draw your face on a balloon
Sing Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” from memory to the best of my ability
6 minutes of copywriting
…
Things I Will Do For $100:
Tell your kids which one is actually your favorite, and what the others could do to improve their standings
Fight someone much smaller or girl than me
Email you a list of 250 things I like about you (need access to any and all social network accounts)
Clean most of your house and apologize for the things I didn’t
Deliver 5 fully cooked DiGiorno pizzas right to your door (5 mile radius from my home)
2 hours of copywriting
…
*Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like “Oh, after you’re done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?” but the lemonade means sex, mostly.

Thanks, Hot Tipper Johnny!

UPDATE The Craigslist post has been flagged for removal (there really should be a cleverness clause to its terms of use); good thing I got screen shots. Below the jump…

idoanything1.png
idoanything2.png

7 replies on “Gentleman for Hire”

  1. Oh, the full list is completely amazing. For $1000, he will rename your children…at that price, I’m assuming he tries to get to know them first?
    Am disappointed that he declines to perform the “legendary murdersteal,” though…

  2. Fight someone much smaller or girl than me

    For $110 he’ll even write it down in a way that makes sense. Can we all chip in 10 bucks and get a female martial arts champion to kick the shit out of him?

Comments are closed.