Go Ravens, Hon

1. Joaquin Phoenix?

2. Jake Gyllenhaal, ever more convincingly butch.

3. What about the Upper Marlboro Maniacs?

4. If Baltimore can’t be beat, why are they 7-3?

5. @4 – It’s Baltimore, man. It doesn’t have to make sense.

6. @4, ask Cole Porter (Yale ’13), whose “Bulldog” fight song still lives:

   Bulldog! Bulldog!
   Bow, wow, wow
   Eli Yale
   Bulldog! Bulldog!
   Bow, wow, wow
   Our team can never fail

   (They lost to Harvard last week…)

   Or maybe Balitimore should’ve spun off the phrasing from Porter’s “Bingo”:

   There’s to be a victory,
   So watch the team begin.

7. @6, I’m glad there’s someone on this earth for whom this video sparks thoughts of Cole Porter.

8. @7, since you’ve humored me I get to paste in my favorite fight song lyric of all time, “I Want to Row on the Crew”, which Porter debuted at school in 1914 and later shoehorned into “Anything Goes”.

   I want to row on the crew, Mama,
   That’s the thing I want to do, Mama.
   To be known throughout Yale as I walk about it,
   Get a boil on my tail and then talk about it.
   I’d like to be a big bloke, Mama,
   And learn the new Argentine stroke, Mama.
   You’ll see your slim son
   Putting crimps in the Crimson,
   When I row on the Varsity Crew.

9. Just imagine the John Waters version….

10. Well, at least it’s tribalism w/o murder.

11. @8, oh, you filthy inverts and your “Argentinian strokes”. I’ve seen pictures.

12. Baltimore has potholes you could lose a 1969 Impala in.

13. “A life, Jimmy, you know what that is? It’s the shit that happens while you’re waiting for moments that never come.”

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