On a shelf in the International District:

9e3e/1233173083-melamineplate.jpg

Just for marketing purposes, maybe a good strategy would be to rename Melamine Round Plate something 100% non-poison-related. Just a thought.

Update: Um, I’m sorry. I don’t usually do this, but does this post really not make sense to you people? In the public consciousness right now, the word “melamine” is associated almost entirely with dead babies and pets, which makes calling something “Melamine Round Plate” an unfortunate PR move, which is funny to me. The fact that melamine is a substance used to make plates (OBVIOUSLY IT IS, BECAUSE HERE ARE SOME FUCKING MELAMINE PLATES) is not the point. Here is a link to a Google news search for the word “melamine.” None of these news stories are about innocuous melamine plates or any of melamine’s other handy industrial uses. All of them are about poison. That is why this Melamine Round Plate is funny. Jesus Christ.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

59 replies on “Going Fast!”

  6. Most backpacking and vacation plates used to be made of this, as well as that at any summer camps, so I don’t see what the big deal is.

    It’s the addition of the chips into food as a fake protein adulterant that’s the problem. You’d have to grind the plate up and ingest it for the sealed plate to impact you.

  17. It is true that plates made of melamine are called just that pretty much everywhere, though. You could have taken that photo on a Target shelf; no need to venture to the International District.

  19. Also, regarding the update: Uh, a news search doesn’t really prove any point, because why would regular old melamine dinnerware be in the news?

  24. @23: That’s a coin toss right there, that is. But if it took you a whole 30 minutes to do anything involving this post, you’re hardly on solid ground there…

    I think, Lindy, that most of us associated melamine with plates long before the milk scandal. But to give you more credit than the haters do, it’s easy to miss if, say, you only ever bought nice dinnerware that’s made from porcelain, or conversely, if you only ever buy stuff from Value Village where it’s all unlabelled…

  25. yeah thanks for the explanation. “Jesus Christ,” are you stupiiiiiiiiiiiid. it’s not that we don’t get it. it’s that we think you’re stupid.

    but thanks for clearing things up. “Just a thought,” why don’t you stop posting stupid stuff.

  28. So basically you have to be ignorant of what Melamine is to think this is funny or interesting. It would not surprise me if Lindy didn’t know what Melamine was until she posted this.

    This is almost worse than the unfunny joke Josh Feit thought he was making in relation to The Who. Don’t be like Josh and defend it to the point where you look like a lunatic who can’t handle the fact they aren’t as clever or insightful as they believe themselves.

  30. You know who else couldn’t stand people who find melamine funny? Do you know? I’ll tell you who. Hitler, that’s who. OK? Get it? Do you get it now? Do you?

  31. @18 and everyone: One of the “features” of Target’s melamine herb dinner plates is “Herb-Like Ivory.” WHAT?! And another feature is that the melamine herb dinner plates “Includes Dinner Plates.” WHAT THE FUCK!

    This would have made for a much more interesting Slog post.

  35. “You do realize that the consumer plastic melamine resin, used for many household items, is quite different from the industrial melamine in Chinese milk, right?”

    I’m completely paralyzed now; do I go with the mental picture of him being hit in the face with a custard pie, or whackawhacked with a rubber chicken?

    Then he continues… “…and in actual fact, I think you’ll find that the incidence of firemen wearing red suspenders has been greatly exaggerated, in the blogosphere…”

    Hey, Lindy, show us another picture of your eye. The melamine thing wasn’t as funny as the blind guy dipping his junk in battery acid, but it was still kinda funny.

  36. In the spirit of that time Lindy posted that picture of her eye: have any of you had appendicitis? I have a weird pain in my guts, but don’t want to go the doctor unless I absolutely have to because I can’t afford to pay my deductible. So I’m calling a Slog quorum. Tell me your appendicitis stories – what to look for, etc.

    (And let’s all call Gregoire about the ridiculous health care system that drives a state employee with state benefits to ask strangers on the internet to diagnose her instead of just going to the fucking doctor.)

  37. Omg you didn’t realize melamine resin was commonly used in the production of housewares and that labelling plates as melamine is sometimes used elsewhere?!?!?? Everyone knows that!!!!!!!!!! Also, it’s so stupid they call it “canola oil” because it is actually made out of rapeseed!!!!! Why don’t they call it “rapeseed oil” I see no problem with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS I AM DUMB AND I SHOULD DIE

  38. Now you’re hating on those of us who have had appendicitis … what’s next, are you going to hate on those of us who slept with LUGs repeatedly?

  39. @36. Uh, that is weird. I just had this insane stabbing pain on the right side of my abdomen, so not 5 minutes ago I looked up the symptoms of appendicitis on webmd.com. It’s a pretty good reference, if you want some more info on what to look for.

  41. @ Julie in Eugene: Yeah, I read a ton of shit about it on teh internets, but thought it’d also be helpful to hear it straight from appendicitic Sloggers’ mouths in colorful, relatable language…

  42. Same thing happened the other day. I went to get Pho and noticed the spoon was “melamineware” I pointed this out and one the of the people I was with was all “Huh? Whut?” Do people not read the paper anymore. Jesus.

  43. @38, oh goodie, more sexy sex talk from Will In Seattle! Tell us more about the lesbians, Will! Tell us what hot sexy sex tips you gave them! Tell us how you bang them bitches and drink!

    Or cut off your hands with a table saw. Actually, yeah; do that instead.

  44. Don’t mean to be too off topic, but @36,

    I can describe a little what it was like. I thought I had food poisoning or I was still hungover from eating/going out the night before. I had sharp pains in my stomach, I couldn’t eat much or drink many liquids because my stomach hurt so bad. I thought it was just stomach flu or something. The next day I noticed the pain was a little bit lower on my abdomen on the right side, and it felt like it was almost in my hip/leg joint. It was really sharp and it hurt to walk, and I was really nauseated. I limp-walked to Swedish on First Hill from Capitol Hill and told them my symptoms.

    They gave me an IV with morphine and ran some test on me where they stuck a tube up my butt and injected me with some fluid so they could take cat scans or xrays, I don’t remember which(thank god I was high on morphine). I was in surgery four hours later, and woke up the next day from having to pee really bad. So bad that it was almost tearing apart the stitches on my stomach. Then they stuck a painfully wide gauge catheter in my urethra. Fun times! Make sure they let you pee before you go to surgery.

    About the melamine thing, Lindy should have switched the plate tags with something in the candy aisle, then it would have been funny, a little mean to the store, but funny.

  46. Point here seems to be that we live in and depend on a universe of man made substances of questionable hazard. Questionable because the resources haven’t been expended to assess in advance whether new materials or new uses for old materials pose dangers. Usually we wait until people start getting sick, at which point we suddenly recoil in fear at heretofore routinely used items such as water bottles (found to leach biphenol-a) and pet food (melamine).

    Often the immediate health effects are limited to an unlucky few, making the costs of comprehensive advanced testing greater than the aggregate benefit. The costs are perceived differently if one is among the unlucky few.

    Of course the dangers are to difficult to divine even with testing, as the mechanisms of hazard may be unknown so no test exists which can reliably predict the risk. It’s a big science experiment and we are the guinea pigs. But hey, I feel feel fine. How about you?

    The above is what I got out of Lindy’s post. Funny how I just don’t feel like shouting people down. Something must be wrong with me. Maybe it’s the melamine.

  47. I think a lot of the people commenting on SLOG are degrading jerks who have no hobbies. Really. I know that opinion is extremely simple, but how else could someone account for all of the unnecessary cruelty that abounds in the comments? Do you think the people who frequently comment here go to parties & talk about the commenters (not a word, I know) that they hate? Boring! (That’s assuming they’re invited to parties anywhere.)

    The same goes for those who just comment a lot, even if they aren’t fighting or being nasty.

    What a sad, sad lot of weirdos. How could anyone not appreciate someone who looks up Tony Little on Wikipedia? Because you aren’t fun & you’re broken on the inside. Truth!

  48. If you even bothered to check out Melamine you’d find:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melamine_re…

    “Melamine resin is often used in kitchen utensils and plates (such as Melmac). Melamine resin utensils and bowls are not microwave safe, as they absorb the microwave radiation and heat up.[1] As with all thermosetting materials, melamine resin cannot be melted and, therefore, cannot be recycled through melting.

    During the late 1950s and 1960s melamine tableware became highly fashionable. Aided crucially by the stylish modern designs of A. H. Woodfull and the Product Design Unit of British Imperial Plastics, it was thought to threaten the dominant position of ceramics in the market. The tendency of melamine cups and plates to stain and scratch led sales to decline in the late 1960s, however, and eventually the material became largely restricted to the camping and nursery market.[2]”

  49. @44, Thank you! Firsthand experience carries a little more weight than “Appendicitis may or may not show symptoms such as….” etc. etc. Based on that and your description, I think what I have is not appendicitis, but some small animal that has taken up residence near one of my kidneys.

Comments are closed.