So, I’m in L.A. for the weekend, and I just got back from touring the single most amazing place I have ever been: the Michael Jackson auction collection at the Beverly Hilton. AND MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
Michael Jackson—in case you hadn’t heard—accidentally got super destitute because he spent all of his money on flying carpets and gold-plated robot butlers, so he decided to auction off all his shit to raise a bunch of millions of dollars. (Or something. Please do not quote me on the details.) Except then he changed his mind and asked for the stuff back, so now there’s NOT going to be an auction (boooo!), but that’s not really important. What’s important is that I still got to go and LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF.
THE STUFF.
IS CRAZY.
Touring the Michael Jackson auction collection is exactly like touring the inside of MJ’s baroque, gold-plated crazybrain. Turns out, the inside of MJ’s baroque, gold-plated crazybrain is the most fun and wondrous place you’ve ever been. It’s also suuuper depressing!
It’s the kind of place where it’s impossible to decide what to take a picture of. IMPOSSIBLE! Everything is fucked up AND totally fucked. The weirdest revelation of the day was MJ’s apparent obsession with lifesize wax figures of elderly white people in folksy poses and varying bonnets. The Creepiest Piece of Furniture Award goes to “child-size chaise lounge” (for child-size reclining nude?). But the overall Best Shit Ever is CLEARLY the vast collection of MJ-themed art, for which words do not suffice. (Far too many pictures after the jump!)
Follow me, follow me…
A Child’s Garden of Alleged Bad Touching 
A lot of the stuff is weirdly homemade/bush-league, like this Zoo sign.
This woman was LITERALLY WEEPING in the sculpture garden, and in this photograph is tenderly pressing her cheek to the golden gates of Neverland.
“Socks.”
“Art.”
Roddy McDowall?
Something about this dirty mat made me sad.
California Raisin collection.
This was not right.
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!?
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!? PART TWO
DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE AUCTION CANCELED!? PART TWO (detail)
As far as I can tell, this one involves Peter Pan and MJ watching in horror/furtive pleasure as the Three Stooges, Kermit the Frog, the ghost of Walt Disney, and Shirley Temple all conspire to rape Charlie Chaplin.
Edward’s actual Scissorhands.
Original paintings by Michael Jackson (top) and Macaulay Culkin (bottom). I WOULD NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS.
See this chef guy? There were ten more like him in different outfits just lounging on the furniture all over the place. And some of them were ladies. Did MJ always dream of having whimsical white grandparents?
Can you read this? It’s a letter from Ronald Reagan expressing his condolences about that time Michael Jackson caught on fire.
Gew! Gew gew gewww!
“I’m a multidimensional creature…”
Goodbye! (FOR NOW…)
Your comments are sick! I feel sorry for all of you. I feel shame to be a part of human raise …because same type of “animals’ could let such an incredible talent go down. Number 17 and 21 ( I couldn’t get trough more than 30 of those comments ) I hope you feel shame. SHAME ON YOU and millions of others who were laughing at MJ. It’s now more than a month after when this link was posted and your word became the truth. MJ is dead now and we all miss him a lot. He was an individual he changed peoples life not “only” by creating magnificent music and giving an inspiration to others but he helped lots of children. All of you SHAME on you because you all throw the rock having hearts full of bad intentions. Who gave you rights to judge him !!! Were you there did you see him doing anything bad to all of these children who were visiting his property? You judged him when he was alive and God will judge you in heaven. Nobody cares about kid who thanks to MJ got a new liver and could enjoy his life. Nobody cares for the fact that he was good and everything what he was doing was coming straight from bottom of his heart. People prefer to read cheap magazines and believe hyenas more than one man who was trying to send a message to all of us … We can change our world starting from ourselves.
I feel sorry for all of you. I am sorry WE ARE SORRY millions of fans all over the planet who miss him a lot … WE ARE SORRY MICHAEL THAT WE COULDN’T MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE FOR YOU. R.I.P. s_like_sweet@wp.pl
human race… for rest of the grammar mistakes I would like to apologize. At least I was trying to do my best and I think that’s what matters the most. Cheers
Here’s some exciting news! Did you hear? They’re auctioning off a rare Michael Jackson glove, worn in the 1984 Victory Tour!! Here’s the official page: http://www.profilesinhistory.com/new/ind…
Rip to every how died this year
Regrds, Sildenafil Citrate
The letter from Ronald Reagan stood out for some reason… surprising considering how many strange/interesting Jackson pieces on display.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude mj was a pedo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Jackson caught on fire thing was funny. Note said these things happen? How else got caught on fire?