This question appeared at the end of the very long comments thread on yesterday’s “Savage Love Letter of the Day.” Didn’t think many people would see it, so I’m posting it here because this woman needs help…

I am a straight girl who doesn’t like giving head. I feel like a whore and slut. In my case, everybody is right, I feel like it’s something being forced upon me, I’m afraid of being bad at it, afraid of cum in my mouth, having my head shoved down too far, I even get a claustrophic-like feeling having something that big in my mouth, blah, blah, blah…

However, I really want to change. I want to like it. I want to love giving such pleasure to my guy. I want to happily return the favour cuz my current guy does amazing things to me with his tongue. The biggest thing I have is the feeling of sluttiness. I don’t think of other girls who like it as a whore. So… anyone have any ideas? How can I change? How can I like sucking dick?

Help her out, Sloggers.

109 replies on “Help a Sister Out”

  1. @99: Of course language is about “communicating the speaker’s membership in a particular social group”. And living in a free country, you are welcome to spell any way you like. But formal convention dictates certain spellings, and straying from them puts you at risk of looking ignorant. The key is to be aware of which social group you are interacting with, and modifying your language (or not) according to what you want to communicate about yourself.

    That said, I have no problem with the LW’s use of “cum” because it’s so common. But if she’d used “cummed”, I admit I would have questioned her judgement, because she’s talking to a reasonably educated group.

    In short, effective communication is less about “deferring to the opinions of experts” than knowing the rules of the game that you’re playing, and taking your risks accordingly.

  3. There are a lot of guys who get just as turned on by a lot of licking of the head, and less by major deep-throating. A blowjob doesn’t have to look like Linda Lovelace. Concentrate on the head, lick the shaft, use your hands A LOT. If you put a hand around the base, YOU control the depth right there.

    I’ve never understood the widespread female antipathy to oral sex, unless it’s just that it seems submissive. And certainly a man who doesn’t reciprocate after awhile is going to receive far less frequently. But what on earth is “whorish” about giving head, unless you’re kneeling and doing it to a stranger in a back alley for $50?

    Cocks aren’t dirty horrible things to be afraid of, any more than hands or mouths or legs are. I mean, jeez, it’s not like they’re FEET or something (sorry foot fetishists – we all have our little quirks, and I hate feet).

  4. @98, “come” isn’t prescriptivist. The OED is not a prescriptivist work; it is describing ACTUAL USAGE, and in literate actual usage the word is “come”. “Cum” is a cheeseball word used in lousy porn. You shouldn’t take your usage tips from lousy porn.

    As for the punctuation inside of the quotation marks whether or not it is part of the quoted material, that’s just US usage, and it’s wrong. In Canada and Britain, the punctuation goes where it logically belongs. It has nothing to do with readability, by the way; the best guess anyone has is that it was instituted by typesetters back when they actually set type in metal, to protect the “.” and “,” slugs. And it’s freaking HIDEOUS.

  6. I can empathize with the feelings of ‘sluttiness’

    I read something about that and have since began to petition my university to do a project on lingistics and sexuality.

    we constantly use references to fellatio as insutling and degrading remarks. its easy to feel not only ‘slutty’ but like someone is doing something to you* and not you doing it to them*

    you can try to embrace this part of culture – it can feel nice to be bad sometimes. 😉
    you might also internalize this and see performing oral sex as a sign of love and trust – you care enough to do it even though its hard for you and trust them enough to know* they don’t think poorly of you

    or you can try to change your thought process – there is nothing wrong with oral. no difference between you going down or having someone go down on you. just focus on making you and your partner happy.

    as far as the fear about throwing up and breathing – as my sexuality professor taught us: we have teeth for a reason. if he puts his hand on the back of your head USE THEM

    try to do it in a posution where you have the most control. such as having him lay down. if he gets to touchy with his hand, have them grasp the bed sheets to occupy his hands.

    hope this helps

  9. Probably it would be better for you to play it like a game. You may have some training lessons with a sex toy or banana to get used to the size in your mouth. Try to involve some kind of arousing and tasty flavored gels, it will turn you on, giving you a lot of pleasure and will help to overcome the physical discomfort.
    And the last thing, when you are giving your head think of the dick you are sucking, like of the most sexual thing you’ve ever seen. It’s really worth it.

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