savagewinswebby.jpg

Alert readers of the Seattle Times learned two things about me last Friday: first, and most importantly, I am 34 years old. Second, I’m going to be in New York City on Monday to accept a Webby Award for the “It Gets Better” Project.

Webby Awards, which are presented by the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences, are a big deal—Lisa Kudrow is hosting the ceremony!—and, as a Webby winner, I’m in some rarified company (past winners: Al Gore, Ariana Huffington, Roger Ebert, Twitter). The problem: I have to give an acceptance speech. From the Webby’s Wiki:

The Webbys are famous for limiting recipients to five-word speeches, which are often humorous, although some exceed the limit. In 2005 when accepting his Lifetime Achievement Award, former Vice President Al Gore’s speech was “Please don’t recount this vote.” … In 2008, Stephen Colbert shouted “Me. Me. Me. Me. Me” when accepting his award for Webby Person of the Year. Accepting the award for Best Political Blog in 2008, Arianna Huffington’s speech was “President Obama … Sounds good, right?” Other popular speeches include “Can anyone fix my computer?” (the Beastie Boys); “Everything you think is true” (Prince); “Thank God Conan got promoted” (Jimmy Fallon), “Free, open… Keep one Web” (Sir Tim Berners Lee), “Holy – Fucking – Shit, Buzz Aldrin” (Jake Hurwitz), and “Holocaust. Did it happen? Yes.” (Sarah Silverman).

I’m under a lot of pressure to come up with a five-word speech that is 1. memorable (I want my speech to make the Webby’s wiki page!), 2. doesn’t come across as too glib (the award is for the “It Gets Better” Project, not “Savage Love”), and 3. allows me to work in my real age (34, per last Friday’s Seattle Times story).

savage34.jpg

Help me out, Sloggers! Write my five word Webby Award speech for me!

225 replies on “Help Me Write My Speech for the Webby Awards!”

  8. you girls getting all gushy over the Terri angle are just making things awkward….
    stop it.

    Danny has pointedly and repeatedly expressed that Terri is not enough.
    Not sufficient.

    Danny can only endure his tedious “marriage” if he is allowed to cheat.

    And, all joking aside, Danny ain’t getting any younger.

    It would be a crime to waste this opportunity
    before Billions and Billions of twinks who will be viewing.

    Hense, the obvious (in fact, only possible) choice is:

    “Married. (but available! wink…wink…)”

  15. I want to add one more possibility, but I gotta say, @185 is awesome.

    Anyway, here is one more suggestion, with a hat tip to Lady GaGa:

    We are born this way.

  16. #8

    Or

    #185

    Or, a variation on #40: “Even better when Project unnecessary.” (brings it down to 5 words)

    Also good are: #48, #49, #51, #64, #77

Comments are closed.