Alert readers of the Seattle Times learned two things about me last Friday: first, and most importantly, I am 34 years old. Second, I’m going to be in New York City on Monday to accept a Webby Award for the “It Gets Better” Project.
Webby Awards, which are presented by the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences, are a big deal—Lisa Kudrow is hosting the ceremony!—and, as a Webby winner, I’m in some rarified company (past winners: Al Gore, Ariana Huffington, Roger Ebert, Twitter). The problem: I have to give an acceptance speech. From the Webby’s Wiki:
The Webbys are famous for limiting recipients to five-word speeches, which are often humorous, although some exceed the limit. In 2005 when accepting his Lifetime Achievement Award, former Vice President Al Gore’s speech was “Please don’t recount this vote.” … In 2008, Stephen Colbert shouted “Me. Me. Me. Me. Me” when accepting his award for Webby Person of the Year. Accepting the award for Best Political Blog in 2008, Arianna Huffington’s speech was “President Obama … Sounds good, right?” Other popular speeches include “Can anyone fix my computer?” (the Beastie Boys); “Everything you think is true” (Prince); “Thank God Conan got promoted” (Jimmy Fallon), “Free, open… Keep one Web” (Sir Tim Berners Lee), “Holy – Fucking – Shit, Buzz Aldrin” (Jake Hurwitz), and “Holocaust. Did it happen? Yes.” (Sarah Silverman).
I’m under a lot of pressure to come up with a five-word speech that is 1. memorable (I want my speech to make the Webby’s wiki page!), 2. doesn’t come across as too glib (the award is for the “It Gets Better” Project, not “Savage Love”), and 3. allows me to work in my real age (34, per last Friday’s Seattle Times story).
Help me out, Sloggers! Write my five word Webby Award speech for me!
“I swear I’m not 44.”
I’m getting younger AND better!
(rubbing hands, disgusted look) Santorum. Give me a tissue.
First live. @34, got better!
“Decide that you’re worth it.”
Still getting better at 34.
OR
Not getting older, getting better.
It Gets Better Mother Fuckers!
‘Decide that you’re worth it.”
I’m Gay, 34 and happy.
Make it to 34 too.
Santorum doesn’t get any better.
It Gets Better at 34.
I was right. 34. Better.
Love #82: Thanks. But we’re not done.
Also #8: First, you have to live.
34 is better than 17.
Validation at 34 – WAY better.
Equal rights make it better.
My marriage keeps getting better.
Live – meet your Terry someday.
“It’s not good enough yet.”
(oh, come on – must I really indulge you your “34” vanity?)
@160 that’s a good one.
though yours is more convincing, I’d slightly change it to tie it to the project: “Gay, 34, and much better”
or make add on some cheezy innuendo: “Gay, 34, and loads better”
also maybe: [from] “Bullied to Amazing in 34”
Proof: At 34, Joyful, Thankful.
Proof: At 34, Terry, DJ.
Great time to be alive.
The sex’s gotten better too!
Thirty-four year old dick, Cummings.
Live, love, it get better!
The sex gets better too!
i vote for @8 as well. and i like that wording just as is. no need to change as one commenter suggested.
Without Santorum, everything gets better.
just my comment here. if you only have 5 words, don’t waste one on santorum. he does not need to be in YOUR acceptance speech. keep it simple, and inspiring. LOVE YOU!
Proof: At 34, Terry, DJ.
Proof: 34, gay, syndicated, joyful.
I was going to suggest: “The proof it gets better.” while holding up the award or something.
I like 138 too! “it gets better. In bed.” I don’t know why! hahaha I guess the fortune cookie joke never gets old for me.
Honestly, I like #8 the best. But then, I agree with the posters who want Dan to be incindiary and witty…that’s our favorite kind of Dan!! But, I think #8 gets my vote. This is a really tough one.
“Find 34 Reasons To Live.”
Blow jobs make it better.
Ironically, I find #34 is the best, with “making it better since 1977”
Thanks for changing the world Dan, one blowjob and one prevented suicide at a time. 🙂
For those we couldn’t help.
It just keeps getting better
My suggestions:
“Be beautiful, wear yourself proudly.” or “Wear yourself proudly, like Terry” or “It’s hot to fucking care.”
But I like #185 a lot.
This is for Tyler Clementi.
It’s hot to fucking care.
Be beautiful, wear yourself proudly.
Wear yourself proudly, like Terry.
But I like #185 a lot.
It’s better than freaking ever.
We are here to stay!
34 seldom looks this good.
34 and just warming up.
We are here to stay.
President Savage 2012, I’m 35!
Finally younger than my husband.
I had posted before in favor of #8. Now I think that has been upstaged in favor of either 185 or 188.
#8 gave me tingles, in a “compassion and encouragement” kind of way.
#108 adds the recognition for an equal contributor.
#82 gives a lot of weight to the fact that it still isn’t better for everyone.
#105 adds a bit of the snark we all love without taking away from the message of IGP.
Best choice? Either #82 or #105.
#8 or #185. Both very lovely.
Better just got more better-er.
It gets better. In bed.