panhandle.jpg

I got panhandled today by a handsome panhandler. A handsome panhandler! And I gave him a dollar. I put it right there in his pan. His panhand. Or whatever. I may have giggled.

I feel weird about this. If he hadn’t been handsome, would I have given him a dollar? I don’t know. I am a bad person maybe. What IS the appropriate criteria for deciding which panhandlers should get one of my dollars? “Handsomeness” should not make the list—I’m sure of that.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

35 replies on “Hobosexual”

  3. Seattle: def. a place where Moral Pseudoselfanalysis on Display in Public trumps actual morality, and actual human spontaneity.

    Go read Zorba the Greek.

  5. I think we’ve established that you’re a bad person; you are after all on the Stranger editorial staff, which is composed entirely of evil, evil people (except for Megan Seling, who is made of meringue and silk and who always keeps the light on at night not because she’s afraid of the dark but because she’s embarrassed by her own glow).

  6. I gave a Sacajawea coin to a cute panhandler in New Orleans, but the clincher for me was that he had a cute kitten on a leash on his shoulder.

  8. ELAINE: You know what? That’s discriminatory. That is unfair. Why should these women have all the advantages? It’s not enough they get all the attention from men, they have to get all the waitress jobs, too?

    JERRY: Hey that’s life. Good-looking men have the same advantages. You don’t see any handsome homeless.

  9. I was guarding my friends moving truck in Washington Heights (NYC) when this man came up to me and just started chatting. He was a little older but kind of rakishly handsome in a crazy/disheveled sort of way. We talked for a bit and finally asked me for a dollar… up until that point I thought it had been weird random flirting.

    As he was walking away (dollar in hand), I noticed his jeans appeared to be covered in blood.

    True story. I almost asked him for his number before I realizes what was going on.

  11. Are Lindy West and Adrian Ryan the same person?

    And speaking of Adrian Ryan, where the hell is he?

    Has he been called up by the Obama Administration? Under-Secretary of Frivolity?

  13. Dear LJ:

    today I had a chicken pot pie and washed it down with a jones soda.

    I really like terry, should I tell him?

    I’m so confused.

    Mood: Ornery

  14. No, @3, it’s actually:

    Seattle – a place where the analysis of the analysis of “Seattle’s Moral Pseudoselfanalysis on Display in Public trumps actual morality, and actual human spontaneity.”

  15. @12: In the apartment of a friend of his.

    He stopped me on the sidewalk and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat (not mentioning he only had enough money for fries), and he was hot and charming, so I went. When we were leaving, he pushed me against the wall of the restaurant and kissed me. The afternoon only got more absurd from there. He (of course) has family in Kirkland, but chooses to be a drain on society instead. Normally I loathe those people, but… Damn.

  16. @12: In the apartment of a friend of his.

    He stopped me on the sidewalk and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat (not mentioning he only had enough money for fries), and he was hot and charming, so I went. When we were leaving, he pushed me against the wall of the restaurant and kissed me. The afternoon only got more absurd from there. He (of course) has family in Kirkland, but chooses to be a drain on society instead. Normally I loathe those people, but… Damn.

  18. Woah, Aislinn, looks like you had a little anonymous posting fail there. I don’t think any worse of you, but ECB might not approve of that rather un-feminist response to his spontaneous domination move. Don’t worry, though: if Marlee Ginter does an expose, Dan Savage will ride to your rescue. Have a good week-end.

  20. I read somewhere about a sociologist who decided to conduct an experiment. He begged for change on two consecutive days in the NYC Port Authority bus terminal. The first day he posed as a traditional homeless man, the next day he wore a suit and tie. Naturally he made three times as much money in one hour of begging wearing the suit. Apparently people thought the middle class businessman had his wallet lost or stolen and were much more likely to help. Giving to the scraggly homeless guy, on the other hand, was pouring money down a black hole. Just saying.

  23. Oh Adrian Ryan, where art thou? Teh Intertubes cries out for your senseless and hysterical rambling nonsense. Have mercy on us and post, dammit.

    In the meantimes, hot is hot – where you find it is not relevant. I’ve seen a few totally hot guys being without a residence, skeezy as all hell and totally fuckable. No judgment here.

  25. Hobos don’t panhandle. Refer to Dylan’s “I’m a Lonesome Hobo”. Hobos are to bums what Goths are to douchey vamp kids.
    It’s a common mistake but in this current economic climate everyone ought to brush up on there definitions of the jobless and transient.

  27. I work with the homeless, so I get to have the self-righteous ‘I don’t make money because society doesn’t value my work therefore I have none to give you, but I will totally help you find shelter’ slant, but I still give change if I have it. Watching my dad while growing up, I noticed he always gave to folks with pets and I’ve adopted that as well. Even though it breaks my heart that the pets are on the streets, I know at least some of my change is going to pet food.

    I saw a guy today who’d spanged me a few weeks ago and had a cat. I asked him how the kitty was and he said he had found her a loving home. I told him I didn’t have any change today, so he asked to kiss my hand and I let him. He isn’t even cute.

    And you know what? I don’t care if people think this post is an overshare. I don’t think the Stranger talks about homelessness enough, so I’ll take what I can get, even if it’s about cute panhandlers. And sometimes they totally are! Cute, that is.

  28. glasses@27, slog doesn’t talk about the economy much at all, i’ve noticed. head in sand much, slog? i know, i know: it’s depressing, it’s scary, it’s….almost unthinkable sometimes, the way it’s going, so you want to just twiddle about movies, good plays (yay!) persecuted sex clubs and fat people on planes, but….damn. the occasional bright constructive idea, link to an intelligent analysis, even marginal mention is in order, dontcha think?

  30. I wonder how this figures into the “survival of the species”. Somewhere, I think. He’s “handsome” to you. You are drawn to his plea for help because you noticed he was attractive. You gave him “some”.
    P.S. I bet he collected a tidy sum. This would make an interesting experiment. Two different men. Same corner. Same times of day. One handsome. One ugly. Which collects more?

Comments are closed.