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How to Beat Up Anything is what it says it is, offering detailed information on beating up Olympian Michael Phelps, legendary Greek warrior Achilles, an apple-throwing tree from The Wizard of Oz, and beloved actor Tom Hanks, among others.

Valuable information for troubled times. (And thank you, MetaFilter.)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

5 replies on ““How to Beat Up Anything””

  1. Do they have an entry for that crazy religious lady from the video posted yesterday? Because I really just wanted to punch her in the bug-eyes.

  2. For a moment I thought I’d found the solution to coming pit bull uprising and apocalypse, but the answer wasn’t there. I still don’t know how to beat up a pit bull.

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