- MarcusObal via Wikipedia
- Jaguars: The children can’t get enough.
In Wm.™ Steven Humphrey’s column this week, this happens:
Goddamn kids! I’ll tell YOU the trouble with kids today. All they care about are their goddamn Pokey-Mans, iPods, Sunny Ds, Pop Rocks, Kid Bopz, Razor scooters, internet porn, bear traps, sandwich fixings, IUDs, Elmo, karate lessons, Santa Claus, Katy Perry, Lady Goo-Goo, Shaun Cassidy, sexting, unicycles, jaguars (the animal, not the car), fist pumps, saxophone solos, binge drinking, caramel corn, raising the national debt ceiling, monster trucks, flash mobs, Pogs, Ninja Turtles, pizza pie, Dig Dug, Indians, mayonnaise, Pilates, graffiti, wedgies, swirlies, weight lifting, tongue piercing, Cracker Jack… (DEEP INHALE)… fried shrimp, the MTV, go-go dancing, beat poetry, ice cream trucks, Steven Seagal, Japanese war memorabilia, pogo sticks, diamonds, Silly Bandz, Halloween, handjobs, and comfortable shoes.
ALL OF WHICH CAUSES A PERSON TO WONDER…
annoying.
I thought the funniest thing was the missing bold close tag.
I wish I could vote for the three funniest instead of just one becuase IUDs, Pilates and fist pumps are really all equally golden IMO.
Best poll ever.
disagree
Can we just have Wm. Steven Humphrey put to sleep?
Legally binding.
dude hasn’t been funny in at least 10 years.
Wow Lindy, you’ve clearly got problems. And one of them is prader willi.
I’ll repeat my comment from the column (b/c I crack myself up):
“bear traps, sandwich fixings, IUDs, Elmo. . .”
What is “Sarah Palin’s shopping list?”
(Says the ghost of the Great Carnac)
Actually I thought the DEEP INHALE was the funniest part but that wasn’t on the list.
The part where I stopped reading this column years ago.
Actually, I have to agree. Nobody ever seems to talk about the real talent at the Stranger. I liike it all, but quite literally, the reason I bookmarked it was that the week I first found it, Humphrey had put in a column called “Sidney Bristow’s Underpants.” On further looking, I discovered a concurrent article suggesting pranking glory holes by hiding donkeys on the other side. I have not missed an issue since… I hope he has his own dressing room.
pranking glory holes by hiding donkeys on the other side
That’s gold.
Jeezuz, I’ve been reading this rag since 1991, and I’ve missed a fair share of Savage Loves, but I have rarely missed anything penned by Mister Hump-me. And I got rid of my tee vee machine in 1992. I fucking love that man and his honey-baked ham.
My favorite Humpmeism is from the days of yore. It was was the phrase “growing monkey tails” – as in “sitting on the toilet growing monky tails”.
Poop jokes are where I usually draw the line – as in genocide jokes ok; poop jokes not ok. but that line really made me laugh.