We don’t need a “spider of the day” if we already know what sort of spider rules THE CENTURY. It’s the huntsman spider. It’s the spider of the day every day, and if we ever need a reminder, we just Google Lindy’s post and there it is. No more additional spiders necessary. Not on Slog. Not in my shower. Not staring at me from the corner of my bedroom waiting for me to fall asleep so it can descend from the ceiling and lay a pocket of eggs in sinuses that hatch into an infinity of baby spiders that crawl out of my eyes and climb into the corner where they wait for me to fall asleep again.

PS — Lindy is welcome to menace the internet with snakes, frogs, sharks, chihuahuas, and feces. All fine by me. Just no more spiders.

18 replies on “I Would Like to Nominate the Huntsman Spider the Spider of the CENTURY”

  2. I was bitten by a spider on the scrotum once. While I slept.

    When I awoke the bite was hugely swollen. My friends had a fantastic time terrifying me with stories of laying eggs and baby spiders crawling out of my balls, but it never happened.

  5. Thank you, thank you. With this post, you prove the existence of GOD. In fact, perhaps you *are* God. You are a kind, kind man, Mr. Holden. If I have another baby, I will name it after you.

  7. Any WHY do you want to take a perfectly nive corner of the internets and ruin it by posting huge ugly pictures of spiders? I could only read the bottom part of your post once the spider was hidden. Stop scaring me! If I want spiders, I’ll read National Geographic.

  8. huntsman spiders are rather boring for a spider, they don’t even build webs. google “Texan spiders spin monster web” and “Spider Wranglers Weave One-Of-A-Kind Tapestry” for some of the Worlds Greatest Spiders.

  9. Flanders & Swann, The Spider in the Bath:

    I have fought a Grizzly Bear,
    Tracked a Cobra to its lair,
    Killed a Crocodile who dared to cross my path,
    But the thing I really dread
    When I’ve just got out of bed
    Is to find that there’s a Spider in the bath.

    I’ve no fear of Wasps or Bees,
    Mosquitoes only tease,
    I rather like a Cricket on the hearth,
    But my blood runs cold to meet
    In pyjamas and bare feet,
    With a great big hairy spider in the bath.

    I have faced a charging Bull in Barcelona,
    I have dragged a mountain Lioness from her cubs,
    I’ve restored a mad Gorilla to its owner,
    But I don’t dare face that tub …

    What a frightful looking beast –
    Half an inch across at least –
    It would frighten even Superman or Garth!
    There’s contempt it can’t disguise,
    In the little beady eyes,
    Of the Spider sitting glowering in the bath.

    It ignores my every lunge
    With the backbrush and the sponge;
    I have bombed it with ‘A present from Penarth’.
    It just rolls into a ball,
    Doesn’t seem to mind at all,
    And simply goes on squatting in the bath.

    For hours we have been locked in endless struggle,
    I have lured it to the deep end by the drain.
    At last I think I’ve washed it down the plughole,
    Here it comes a-crawling up the chain!

    Now it’s time for me to shave,
    Though my nerves will not behave,
    And there’s bound to be a fearful aftermath.
    So before I cut my throat,
    I shall leave this final note;
    Driven to it – by the Spider in the bath!

  14. I dig spiders. I never kill them – just catch them in a glass jar and set them free in the yard. I nominate Hobo spiders.

  16. @2 Have you had childrens since the event? I am brewing a tale of someone giving birth to spider-children eating their way out of the mother and crawling around defenseless and terrifying all at the same time.

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