If you’re walking through Pioneer Square and a middle-aged woman tries to fondle you, she’s probably trying to steal your wallet.
According to a police report filed on February 18th, two men reported that while they were walking through Pioneer Square at about 10pm, they were accosted by a 50 to 65-year-old woman with a cane, who approached one of the men and grabbed his testicles. “While he was distracted,” the report says, “the woman took his wallet.”
Police are investigating the case as a “strong-armed robbery.“
lucky!
Duh.
Unfortunately for dudes, that’s as good as heterosexual sex gets in Seattle.
Thank god. If I hadn’t read this, and a middle-aged transient woman tried to fondle me in Pioneer Square, I would have probably just assumed she was randomly really horny.
Now I know. When she grabs my balls, I will shout: “THAT’S MY PURSE!” (and kick her in the crotch).
Thank Christ for Slog commenters and King of the Hill references.
Or it might also be me in drag. I do that sometimes. You’d swear I was a woman. Or at the very least a chick with a dick.
She’ll be really surprised she squeezed me off for nothing. I don’t keep my money in my wallet.