…that the Police have your stash.

According to a police report, on April 3, Seattle Police officers recovered a duffel bag full of pot from the woods in Seward Park. The report says a wilderness guide—who was playing hide and seek with a group of school children in the park—came across the camo duffel bag filled with five and a half pounds of weed and called police.

“It’s really incredibly rare circumstance for us to have that amount of marijuana…found by citizens playing hide and seek in a park,” says Seattle Police Department spokesman Sean Whitcomb. “It’s…very unusual for this quantity of marijuana to be found anywhere, much less Seward Park.”

Whitcomb says SPD puts the value of the marijuana between $8,250 and $22,000, depending on the quality of the marijuana. Whitcomb could not confirm the weed’s level of dankitude.

According to Whitcomb, the marijuana will now be incinerated. Which is the real crime here.

Jonah Spangenthal-Lee: Proving you wrong since 1983.

33 replies on “I’m Sorry to Have to Be the One to Tell You, But If You Left A Duffel Bag Full of Weed In Seward Park, You Should Know…”

  2. I know several unemployed people who would have sold their soul to find that duffel bag full of green gold because it would have allowed them to… Ohhhh…. I dunno… Not become homeless. That makes me very sad :'(

  9. What are the chances of finding a 5 lbs bag of weed in the woods AND that said bag being found by a wilderness guide that doesn’t smoke?

  10. Had it been me that found it, I would’ve taken off in a dead sprint for home, wearing an ear-to-ear grin and emitting squeals of joy. Screw the kids. It’s Seward Park, not Mount Rainier. They’d find their way back.

  11. This would make a pretty good Scruples question… what would you do if you found this bag and no one was around?

    1. Take it (knowing that there’s probably serious consequences for whoever’s weed it is, and that there’s an outside chance you could be found out). Smoke it and give it away.
    2. Take it. Smoke some, sell some.
    3. Leave it be.
    4. Turn it in to the police.

    I’m inclined towards #3 since it seems like taking it might unnecessarily complicate my life (and that of whoever it belonged to).

  13. Hmm. I guess there’s a #5 option too, which would be, leave the duffel bag, but fill a baggie/pocket with an ounce or two. Maybe I would do that….

  17. “could not confirm the weed’s level of dankitude.”

    Jonah, thank you for that contribution to the English language.

    I will use it conversationally at the first opportunity.

  22. The sooner we sell it from WSLCB outlets using proper ID, the better.

    Just think of the tax revenue saved in police/courts/jail and collected at the “mind altering drugs” store.

  23. Dude. Everybody knows that one of the first rules of stonerdom is if you find random weed, you have to 1)thank the ganja gods appropriately and 2)smoke all of it immedietely with whoever is standing within 10 feet of you. I’ve done this before with dub sacks i found, but… damn.

  25. #11, I’d fill a baggie and split. Or option 5, think back to “No Country for Old Men” and go in search of the cash.

    This almost sounds like a planned drop, though I’m wondering if there is any practical purpose to such an exchange.

  27. I’d call the police and not hang around. Whoever was supposed to make the pickup would surely be armed and disinclined to have company.

  31. In this city full of pot-friendly or at least pot-tolerant folks, I now have to wonder- how often has a dufflebag of pot been randomly found and NOT turned into the police? Because in Seattle I think the chances are only about 1 in 5 that some square would find this and turn it in, as has happened. I would pass up an orgy between 25 voluptuous women and myself to come across this treasure, assuming it wasn’t schwag

  32. @31

    I think if you had a duffel bag full of weed, you could probably make that orgy happen pretty easily. Win/win!

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