Jennifer Love Hewitt likes to glue jewels to her vagina. Let it be known. ‘Gina jewels.
Also, she calls it her “precious lady.”
Also also, if you click through to this article at AlterNet—The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas—you will laugh. And cry. It’s great.
6. Problem: Your Vagina is the Wrong Color
Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and DyingMany women are under the impression that it’s OK to have a vagina colored vagina. They’re wrong, of course. They should be pink, and exceptionally so. What’s a woman with a vagina colored vagina to do? Bleach it.
Oh, ladies. Nice work.
Via Huffington Post.
I refuse to read the actual article for a variety of reasons, but do these women actually bleach their vaginas? Or just their labia?
What is this mysterious “vagina” you speak of?
I definitely could have gotten through the rest of my life without reading this.
After reading that I am a little sad that, as a male, I have no vajayjay to vagazzle.
That does it — I’m hot-gluing Swarovski to my ballsack TONIGHT. It’s beautiful to be free, and I’m free to be beautiful!
This is what happens to someone who lives with her mom until the age of 26.
Now, glittering balls I understand.
Dyeing vaginas: may or may not be acceptable.
Dying vaginas: definitely not good.
Poozle Bling? yeah, What up with that?
Well this kind of makes sense. I like to teabag a jar of glitter every morning.
@5, *snort* Make sure to get some botox to smooth out the wrinkles and some of that bleach to give it a nice salmon color, I would suggest the Coho shade, the Sockeye shade is a bit extreme for most folks.
No photo of Ms. Hewitt’s bling?
From WWTDD.com:
The promise of slamming your penis into a dozen rocks might be effective if you’re trying to seduce Ben Grimm, but believe it or not I’d rather not pound my dick into fragile cut glass with sharp edges. Seeing a girl with crystals glued to her vagina sounds horrifying. At best it would look like armor, at worst scales, and either way my dick isn’t getting anywhere near it. Because it’s either defending itself or it might spit poison at me.
@11, if I smooth out all the wrinkles, how will I be able to walk?
My wife should read this article. Her vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard’s robe.
@1 – I’m under the impression that the bleaching is for the skin on the outside. Like, the labia majora and outward. I’d double-check that I’m referring to the right parts… but female genitalia diagrams are not something I want on my screen at work.
If you got to dress up the “precious lady” that much, it’s probably a little too shopworn.
Waitaminute. You can only dye it pink? That seems awfully limiting.
i think i’ll start lumping all male reproductive parts into one incorrect term, just as ‘vagina’ is used to label all female parts…maybe just call it ALL the scrotum.
There was a young actress named Hewitt
Whose vaj-jay needed something done to it
She broke all the rules
and got out her jewels
and proceeded to bedazzle and glue it.
I’m guessing there’s more than one wrong way to do both of these things – the bedazzling and the dyeing.
I detest the term “vajayjay”.
Elsewhere in fucked up, a Chinese woman wants to look like Jessica Alba in order to please her boyfriend.
@14: Ace bandage?
if you’re going to write about vaginal rejuvination, you should know the difference between as viSe and viCe.
@16,
I’m pretty sure they’re talking about the labia minora and the inner part of the labia majora.
What’s truly galling is that many of these cooter enhancement procedures cause permanent pain during sex. So you can have a pretty princess pussy, but you can’t let anyone touch it.
@ 26, how much do you want to bet that someone insecure enough about the color of her labia would ever tell her man that it’s off limits due to pain? I’d guess that such a man couldn’t care less, if it’s time for sex then it’s time for sex.
Sounds like these women need copies of Femalia.
http://www.dealoz.com/nr/ad_prod_search.…
@24, that’s better than my idea of a bucket with a string around my neck.
@22: *waves* Isn’t it ridiculous though? And I’ve seen vag dye products (swab your lips pink!) and pube dye. I suppose that before I get laid I’m supposed to present my ladybits on a fuckin’ silver platter. Happy Birthday honey!!!
@5: “I’m hot-gluing Swarovski to my ballsack TONIGHT”
at first I thought he meant Souvlaki, because you know, one meat stick is never enough.
The little “Talking ‘Bout “Ginas” graphic just made my day.
Okay, as a 100% homo, I will admit that I have zero interest in lady-bits.
But I cannot imagine that gluing shiny sharp objects to it would make it any more attractive to hetero boys. At all.
I’m very confused here.
@19, I think I love you.
reverse@32: I think she was gluing them there to fulfill her inner Stevie Nicks, Eve Ensler and Martha Stewart…. thus when one is feeling low, it’s an imperative to decorate ones natures tufted treasure?
Ahhh… Blue Vulva.
Bless you, Lindy West. Bless you.
@20 wins.
And now I have a loop of Leonard Cohen singing the lyrics “Vaginal Rejuvenation” stuck in my head to the tune of “Hallelujah”.
Curse you, Lindy West. You’ve ruined that song forever.
Surely she was joking? I don’t understand what kind of glue you would even use … or crystals … even cotton panties can be a bit uncomfortable sometimes!
WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO USE ACCURATE WORDS????
sorry to yell, it just drives me up the wall that people can’t be bothered to differentiate between really, really different ladyparts. Why not “labes”, “lips”, “danglin’ woo-woos”, or anything even remotely not describing another part entirely? She is so not gluing jewels to her vagina. She is so gluing them somewhere on her vulva.
I think you all need to chill about the colloquial definition of vagina. Seriously. Calm down.
And ladies, stop doing weird things that might damage your vagina.
I think you all need to chill about the colloquial definition of vagina. Seriously. Calm down.
And ladies, stop doing weird things that might damage your vagina.
No self-esteem problem so silly or outre’ that some huckster isn’t making buck on it. What a place America is!