It’s Time For… Guess Whose Desk!

1. Trent Moorman.

2. trent…its right there on the manila envelope! sheesh.

3. I left that envelope for Trent…

4. Based on the punctuation, I’d say it’s the desk where one might gain information about Whose. Whatever that is.

5. I assume it’s not Trent, since the envelope is too much of a giveaway. Music, though. No cupcake evidence. Hmm.

   I know that if it was my desk those foosball handles would fairly quickly irritate me to the point where the entire table was sent flying out the window with an almighty bellow of frustration. You can always gain a bit of space in a shared situation by being frighteningly crazy.

6. I don’t care whose desk is is. I do want to know if that is where the HUMP! ballots are. I want to know who won–I can’t be the only HUMP! goer that is still panting to know the results.

7. No wine bottles so it’s not Charles. No bongs so it’s not Dan. Actually, the lack of a bong eliminates the entire staff.

8. For some reason I’m compelled to say Eli.

9. Who would the name “Pig Pen” fit best on The Stranger staff?

10. Lindy

11. Really?! Doesn’t a 5 inches deep messy desk like that mess with your chi, or mojo, or something?

12. Definitely not Charles’ – you can still see parts of the desk top beneath the clutter. Besides, Charles’ desk has that gawd-awful you’d-be-killed-in-an-earthquake-if-you-were-standing-by-it bookshelf right next to his desk.

13. Oh, come on, Canuck, that’s like two inches at most, right in the worst part.

    We’ve already seen Charles’s desk. It has four hundred thousand books on it, heaped. There was some concern for the structural safety of the building, and of Charles himself. This is piddly stuff in comparison.

    I’m going with Mr. Grandy. He seems like the sort who would have a Beatleybook.

14. I see what looks to be a red clutch on the far side…

15. @ Fnarf: I just measured, and it’s just over four inches at the highest mark.

16. HA! Do I know my clutter, or WHAT?? Fnarf, right after your appearance, do you think gus and I should profile the owner of this desk on our show, on our weekly “Clutter-fuck” segment?

17. Only Tom Cruise and people who wish they were Tom Cruise drink Fiji water.

18. As the desk and monitor are oriented so that no one can see what’s being looked at on the internet, I figured it’s dan’s porno station. And with the fooz ball table in the way he can wank all he wants with no one the wiser. Assuming he even give a shit if anyone sees him.

19. The only thing sadder than the foosball table being used for storage is the fact that there isn’t room for anyone to play it anyway.

20. @13, @15 — if that’s four inches, then my own desk clutter must be — oh, my. Two thousand feet. Shocking.

    Still think Grandy. Seling would always have a place to put a pan of cakes or cookies.

21. I voted for A. Birch Steen.

    See, this is why you need more French Interns.

22. It can’t be Bethany, who’s written that she thinks diet Dr. Pepper tastes like soap. Aside from that, I admire the higgledy-pigglediness, especially that the desk phone is impossible to reach.

    Tonight on Clutter-fuck, our special guest, the young man who wrote:

    I just measured, and it’s just over four inches at the highest mark.

23. Does the foosball table ever get used? Because it seems like it would be really annoying just sitting there all the time.

24. Kelly O and Ari Spool give foosball table can of Rize…

25. Well, it’s obviously way too clean to be Mudede’s desk, so we can scratch him off the list.

26. No cupcakes, No Megan

27. @22, see, this is why I come here.

28. There is a pan and glass pie dish (?) on the foosball table, plus that white box of who-knows-what-was-inside, so maybe Seling isn’t out of the running?

    My first impuse was Lindy, though I don’t know why.

29. @28, that’s a hell of a clue. Good eye. I change my answer.

    In my mind’s eye I picture Lindy’s desk being four inches deep in beach sand.

30. I voted Brissey, don’t know exactly why. I caught a whiff of straight-guy clutter, and his scraggly beard seems to fit the vibe.

31. I totally picked Megan Seling, because I also spotted the pie plate and what looks like two stacked cookie sheet/jelly roll pans on the foosball table. And they seem to be overflow from this desk.

32. Paul Constant. I’m assuming all those manila envelopes contain book submissions for review,

    Why else would anyone send anything to a Stranger staffer?

33. I hope we find out the answer to this one… I still think the “who wet the bed” poll from the summer has remained a mystery!

34. I’m with @32 as well. Though my first guesses were Lindy followed by Schmader. But, it seems more straight guy than either of them. It could be music dept too, but I think they’re shit would be…I dunno…different. This seems like a literary hoarder.

35. Anyone also catch the picture on the wall (upper left corner)? I think it’s a cat… or baby seal or something cutesy Which one of the staffers is the “cute baby animal lover” again?

    Christ on a bun I still can’t get over that mess though!

36. I guessed Eli Sanders (why am I bothering to participate again?) but that mug in front of the monitor is a Cupcake Royale mug, for those looking for cupcakenalia.

37. Lots of good points so far, time to bring them all together. The Fiji and Diet DP rule out half the gheys and all the straights. As pointed out before, no cupcakes, no Megan. There would be lots of photo stuff it was Kelly O. The Mac might lead me down a road if it was another office, but it means nothing here since nobody but Anthony can operate a PC in this hipster heaven. The chair speak to someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time in the office, it looks like it hasn’t been adjusted since the Bush administration.

    So, messy girl (read: artsy), not at work a lot, diet soda and bottled water.

    The answer is Jen Graves.

38. I’m guessing it’s Grant’s desk. Wood floors are only in one room of The Stranger’s offices if I remember correctly.

39. So, I was handing out condoms the other day at this trade show, and there were the guys from the “Hot Firefighters Calendar” there, selling their wares. You guys should do a Stranger calendar, and each month could be a different messy desk. You could hide things in the detritus, like in the I Spy books, and have a list at the bottom, “cupcake, dildo, wedding ring”….

40. Less than 10 percent of the voters have it right.

41. @17, you have obviously never tasted Fiji water. It’s so soft and delicious. Mmmm, silica!

42. That’s a Cupcake Royale coffee mug, is it not…?

43. SO WHOSE DESK IS IT???????

44. Isn’t that a can of like, barqs or whatever?

45. GODDAMIT BRISSEY, TELL US THE ANSWER YOU SLACKMOUTHED INEBRIATE.

46. I’m going with Paul Constant. No hard evidence, sheer gut feel.

47. Can’t be Grandy’s desk; I don’t see any giant shrines dedicated to Das Racist or Los Campesinos! at which to lovingly gaze.

48. BRENDAN! KILEY! BRENDAN! KILEY!

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