Yes! Credit: WALMART (wait, seriously?)

Or else—one of these days, Alice:

Man With Dead Weasel Accused of Assault

HOQUIAM, Wash. (AP) — Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

The article concludes:

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

I’m not blaming the victim or anything, but I’m going to side with the puncher and against the AP (which elsewhere in the article refers to the marten as a “weasel”). Because where do we draw the line? Is a stoat also a “weasel”? Is a badger also a “weasel”? Those two animals mean very different things when they become verbs. A line must be drawn. Somewhere. Indelibly, even.*

Yes!
  • Flickr: WALMART (wait, seriously?)
  • Yes!
Also!
  • Flickr: APRILZOSIA
  • Also!

*It’s a thousand degrees outside and my brain has melted.

28 replies on “Know Your Mustelidae, Kids!”

  1. Nice when the Gray Lady publishes small, cryptic articles about the hinterlands and hicks swinging dead animals. More grist for the mill of superiority. Still, impressive biological knowledge on the part of the enraged man. I feel sorry for the marten.

  2. I wholeheartedly concur with this article. There is a difference between a wolverine and a mink; a otter and a fischer..

  5. Also, let’s not forget that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that ain’t legal either.

  11. For the record, it’s perfectly okay to punch people while holding an otter. Of any species. Actually, it’s okay to do ANYTHING while holding an otter.

    @6 – see 7. That’s a not a scientific convention. We could just call it the badger family.

    Also, you can do ANYTHING, even punch people holding otters, if you’re holding a honeybadger. Those fuckers do NOT care.

  18. Looking up some relevant taxonomy here I just learned that the entire ORDER Insectivora is gone! I don’t really know why but it made me really depressed that I am so out of the taxonomic loop.

    So unlike Zeugma, I’m relieved that a Mustelid is still a mustelid.

  22. See, now I feel a kinship with you olympic coasters, having once seen a marten in the trees of northern Minnesota, also part of its native habitat. Or was it a fisher? I get them confused.

  24. @18, it was high time. I’m more of a lumper than a splitter in terms of taxonomic philosophy, but Insectivora was a mess.

    @22 Martens are cute and look more like weasels or ferrets. Fishers are big and wooly and more like a wolverine. But younger fishers do look like martens, indeed.

    I love the weasel family. When I visit my dad in Northern Wisconsin we often visit with the river otters that live by his house. I swear they spend 90% of their time playing. Such delightful creatures!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Ameri…

  27. Searching for the story elsewhere, I have discovered that the spelling of the weasel has now changed to “Martin.” Either they know the animal by its first name or some editor couldn’t deal with the odd second vowel.

  28. 18, I wish taxonomists would quit fucking with things, too. I’m a botanist, but they’ve changed leguminosae to fabaceae, ubelliferae to apiaciae, labiatae is now lamiaciae, and compositae to asteraceae! STOP FUCKING WITH SHIT! I just get something learned, and you decide to change it! WTF? KNOCK IT OFF! Bored science geeks with nothing else to do! Dammit!

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