I have copyedited many a horrible paragraph/description/joke for this depraved fish wrapper in my short time here (accidental penis-tip amputation, a mid-fatal-bear-mauling phone call to mom) but this week’s Last Days was the first time I almost couldn’t do my job through the haze of revulsion. I literally pushed my desk chair backwards and held my hands up over my face. Good work, Cienna.
From:
The next moment he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked something off his fingers. It was then that I realized he wasn’t scratching but picking…
to:
…illegally injecting a mixture of cement, Fix-A-Flat tire sealant, and superglue into a woman’s butt to enhance its size and bubbly shape.
I almost couldn’t take it. I smell a Pulitzer! (“Local Investigative Specialized Reporting,” perhaps?) In conclusion, I learned a valuable lesson: The pen is mightier than the ipecac syrup.
You’re new, right? Eating scabs and injecting tire sealant are pretty run-of-the-mill for Last Days.
Anna, it’s a good thing you weren’t around in the early oughties here – since we were less surrounded by internet oddities in general David’s unearthed rarities hit like hammer blows. Epic.
Thanks for noticing, Fnarf, but I’ve been reading the paper since I was a teenager. I guess these ones didn’t particularly make you want to hork. Good for you! But I still shudder just thinking about ’em. Bleeeeeerrrghhh.
@3, hork? Heck, I’ve been known to eat a few scabs myself. Not on the bus, mind. Not as tasty as the skin from a peeling sunburn, especially when you can get off a big piece that still retains the wrinkles and pores, but still very nice.
She’s a brick…hoouuuusse!
I’ve skipped all the way to dry heaves.
@4, you forgot toe callous skin. So thick and chewy!
@4: You’re going to hell for that, where you’ll eat scabs for Thanksgiving dinner, which will be every meal, every day, for an eternity.
@7: Oh, you too, NaFun, you too are going to hell.
Says the person who’s handle is TVDinner!
Ha!
This is the sort of nitpicking I usually try to avoid here, but: “These ones?” From a copy editor?
@11, I am fully in support of “these ones”. Which ones do you want? I want these ones. Perfectly acceptable.
Unless you’re talking about dollar bills, it’s redundant. Which do you want? I want these.
As nits go, though, it is almost too small to pick.
@Fred: Because copyediting is my job but I am also a human, I have to turn off the type-A style nitpickery in my regular (commenting, e-mailing, Post-It-note-writing) life. Otherwise I start copyediting song lyrics in my head while I’m listening to the radio, which is unpleasant. I’m sorry I’ve failed you. I love precision, but come on! It’s a blog comment!
@14, don’t get defensive. “These ones” is perfectly acceptable usage, damn it.
Now, go look at this. The tire-sealant injection story has photos.
Anna: All points taken. I have high regard for this publication’s copyediting, comments by staff shouldn’t be held to the same standard as their main work and I am occasionally pedantic.
Why is the pregnant woman thing in there for Occupy Seattle when it’s all but certain that she wasn’t pregnant but is a liar and/or crazy?
@13 kinda like a zit?