The Whidbey News-Times must have a story in the works about a couple who did everything “wrong”—met at a club, made out on the dance floor, had a one-night stand, indulged in shitloads of premarital sex, maybe had a few drunken threeways—but nevertheless fell in love, married, and lived happily ever after. Right? Something to balance out this story glorifying an area couple who decided to abstain—from everything—until marriage?
The couple instated a “no-kissing” policy, to keep things from getting out of hand before marriage. [Rachel] Welch decided at age 14 to save kissing for someone special, and hoped that her first lip-lock would shortly follow “I do.” … She met her fiance at Oak Harbor’s Living Word Fellowship two years ago, where they each worked as youth leaders. Along with telling kids about the importance of abstinence, they took their own message to heart.
Instead of a smooch, [Todd] Ritter says they will rub their noses together, sometimes nicknamed an “Eskimo kiss.” And to avoid temptation while dating, they limit the amount of alone time they spend together…. The two will also exchange foot massages or run errands for each other. Living only two miles apart, they pen and mail love letters to one another.
There are lots of happily coupled people out there who had “yes-to-everything” policies when they were young & single. But profiling a settled, content, thriving couple who did everything “wrong” before marriage wouldn’t play to the prejudices and wishful thinking of a small-minded, small-town daily readers—true love waits, sluts don’t, so sluts never find true love—so I kind doubt that the Whidbey News-Times has a story in the works about a couple of sluts in love. But I put in a call just to check. At the very least the Whidbey News-Times owes it to the readers to follow this couple for a few years and provide regular updates. Young evangelicals divorce at greater rates than non-batshit Americans. Will Rachel and Todd beat the odds?
And if it turns out that Todd has a foot fetish… was he really abstaining?
The Stranger must have a story in the works about a foie gras farm that does everything “wrong”—mistreats animals, allows the meat to become fouled with bacteria, ruins the local environment with farming waste runoff – and yet nevertheless supplies their product to local restaurants. Right? Something to balance out the stories glorifying the production of foie gras as a delightful trip to a Disney-esque farm. Right? RIGHT?
@50 Are you a porn star? Apparently because porn stars have so much sex as part of their jobs, they find non-sexual intimacy so much more appealing at home. I suppose the same might be said for garden variety sluts… but it’s an interesting concept that one can become so oversexed that you would circle back around to where these two are in their relationship.
Isn’t there something in the bible condemning whorish lipstick? *That* part didn’t seem to make it through.
Huh. That’s my hometown paper. In fact, I went to school with the guy’s older brother. The brother was a nice guy – seemed pretty mainstream/normal/whatever.
Oak Harbor is a weird place. And the Whidbey News Times is not exactly a hallmark of journalism. Stuff like this is about par for the course
500 bucks she gets her rectum blown out by the end of the first 48.
My three hard-core baptist cousins all got married before they hit 21. It’s not that hard to abstain from sex if you marry the first person you seriously want to have sex with.
And they don’t believe in divorce. So that’ll be fun.
Eskimo kisses are the first step to Saddlebacking, dontcha know?
If she doesn’t kiss, why is her lipstick all hosed up?