It’s our first glimpse of Johnston’s photo shoot…

levipits.jpg

However much Playgirl paid Johnston, it’s not enough. Most people thought Playgirl—which ceased publishing in print a couple of years ago—was dead and gone. Prior to this photo shoot with Johnston, who even knew that Playgirl had a website? Or that Playgirl had a publicist? A publicist who had this to say after the shoot…

“We were talking in the greenroom about gay categories: bear, cubs and Levi asked what his type would be. We decided a twink, but older, so we anointed him a ‘twunk’.”

I love the idea of a twunk—an older twink—but Johnston is nineteen. How old is a twink supposed to be if a 19-year-old is already an aged twunk? No, no: Johnston was never a twink. He was a jock—the hockey variety, to the delight of gear fetishists—and he still is. More interesting than sorting Johnston into his exact gay entomological category is watching Johnston, once a major homophobe, become increasingly comfortable with teh gays. He’s having to hang out and work with (and work for) more and more out homos—big-city homos—and he surely knows by now that women won’t be masturbating to those pictures on Playgirl. Levi just can’t afford the luxury of his homophobia anymore.

And if you’re only doing Playgirl because it drives your former future mother-in-law crazy, Levi, imagine how she’ll feel if you do a little gay-for-pay porn?

38 replies on “Levi Johnston’s Right Armpit”

  3. How does Levi not fit perfectly into the “cub” category? “Twunk” is stupid. He’s a cub! He’s only 19 — chest hair thickens well into guys’ 20s.

    And he’ll be a registered Dem before the mid-terms.

  4. Wishful thinking, Dan.

    Levi is about as comfortable as the Democratic Party is comfortable with homos.

    Money tends to make people real comfy. Both Levi and the DNC will take our money and shit in our mouths the next day.

    Levi and his mom-in-law are no more at each others throats than the DNC is our ally.

    Let’s get cynical, cynical. I wanna get cynical.

  5. PATRIQUE YOU ARE LIAR!

    DNC IS GREAT FOOTBALL PLAYER! HE DOESN’T TAKE MONEY FROM U. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW DIS WORKS:::::

    TEAM IS ORG
    TEAM GET $$ FRUM CITY
    CITY GOT $$ FRUM TAXPAYER
    TEAM BUILD STADIUM ARENA W/ CITY $$
    TEAM HIRE PLAYERS W/O CITY $$
    CITY NO PAY, WE NO PAY.

  7. A “twunk” with a little twinkie, I have feeling that’s the reason behind the big resounding no on his part to the full-frontal nudity. Maybe he’ll just have to make dough using his ‘assets’ solely, especially now with his particular new fans lol. Playgirl is just the begining, soon he’ll be graduating into videos for a more targeted audience! I still think he’s great tho, no matter what he ends up in, his service has been invaluable.

    “Levi just can’t afford the luxury of his homophobia anymore.”

    Love the paranoia.

  10. Well, he is only 19 and most people at 19 don’t have a clue what they think about anything.

    Give him time; he’ll be giving a keynote at the Democratic National Convention come 2020.

  13. Oh, and money says he’ll come out as gay in the next five years.

    Lots of the butch jock types tend to come out later (early to mid 20’s) and usually after having fucked a few women. But he’ll probably be a bottom.

    The redder the state a fag is from the later they come out of the closet.

  15. I’m a fan of gear (and the pups that made it happen, make a note of that!), but Levi + Gear just doesn’t do that much for me. Heck, even unclothed he’s got nothin’. Give him about 5-7 years, though.

    Also, “twunk” sucks. I prefer post-twink, since it can be a compliment (ex. “Dan Savage epitomizes the post-twink aesthetic, shelving the youthful stupidity of being a twink and wrapping the clean-cut clone-like sameness of that group in a bit of maturity and wisdom.”*) or an insult (ex. “That bar was full of post-twinks clawing their finely-pruned nails at some semblance of relevance before being shoved into the troll corner at their local neighborhood twenty-something bar.”).

    *example of what it would sound like if I were really as far up Dan’s feverishly over-gymed ass as people accuse me of being

  20. @17: Don’t get used to the pleasantries, Dan, I’m still going to cherish the day we all get together ritualistically shred and burn your “TV whorin’ shirt” at Slog Happy while you sob tears of nostalgia and shameful fashion-ludditry.

  22. common mistake:

    “More interesting than sorting Johnston into his exact gay entomological category…”

    entomology — study of insects

    etymology — study of linguistic forms

  23. Twunk? Twunk? At 19?!? Jebus, he’s barely legal. If there is such a thing as a twunk, I’d guess he’d have to be closer to 30, and most certainly not less than 20. And he can’t be a post-twink if he was never a twink in the first place (which he was not; he was a bit too chunky and beefy to ever be a twink). He’ll have a beer gut within 5 years, guaranteed.

    Dan is correct. Jock it the right category. Or at least as close to a category as you can put him.

  27. Since “Playgirl” has some semblance of straight appeal, how can they avoid the obvious headline: “JOHNSTON’S JOHNSON”? Speaking of etymology, how did “Johnson” become a euphemism for ‘penis’?

    Re Levi’s semi-tell-all and other Palin tell-alls to come: Mae West said: “When you’re young keep a diary; when you’re old, it’ll keep you.”

  29. Levi avoided full frontal AND will, alas, avoid the gay-porn-for-pay because it would mean the end of his parental rights. You don’t think the Palin’s would find a judge to find gay for pay = unfit parent? He’ll take a couple of film roles in straight to video R-rated films where he shows his butt, maybe guest star on a sitcom or two and then he’ll be selling boats or snow mobiles or something the rest of his life.

  30. I’m sure Kathy Griffin (they are buddies now, you know) sat Levi down and said, “look buddy, the gays are your best friend from here on out, you better embrace it now, you’ll be glad you did.”

  31. 1)He’s a jock; not hairy enough to be a cub…and, Twinks are young, thin and hairless.
    2)Twunk is awful; epic fail.
    3)gay porn (or any porn, for that matter) would not be in his best interest…if he goes the full porn route, he is easily dismissed by Palin and the general public…and, loses all rights to his child. I prefer he linger around for awhile to keep on jabbing Palin’s balloon…unless, this is all part of a master plan to keep Palin’s name in the headlines…
    4)I think the $100k was money well-spent…prior to this, most people assumed Playgirl was dead and buried.

  32. i just wish he’d impregnate sarah palin. that’d be hot

    What? Again?

    @22, etymology is the study of the history of words. As 26 sez taxonomy is better.

  36. Twunk isn’t post-twink. (And if it is, Levi wouldn’t qualify at only 19.) Twunk is a young guy who is too muscular for a twink but too slender for a jock. It’s a twink+hunk: a “tweener” stage between the two.

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