And so is the math teacher at Schaumburg Christian…

A math teacher at a northwest suburban Christian school masturbated behind a podium while teaching his class, according to police, who said he may have been doing it for the last 10 years. Schaumburg police and the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Special Prosecution/Mass Molestation Unit have charged Paul A. LaDuke, 75, of Hanover Park with sexual exploitation of a child…. Police interviewed several who said that on Friday, while seated behind his podium [at Schaumburg Christian School], LaDuke unzipped and lowered his pants, then masturbated while students were in the classroom. Investigators believe this behavior occurred multiple times per year over the course of 10 years or longer while LaDuke was teaching at Schaumburg Christian.

Schaumburg Christian isn’t just one of those schools where the kids are allowed to pray, it’s one where the kids need to pray. (“Dear God, please make our math teacher stop masturbating behind that podium.”) And police think this was going on for 10 years? How do they know? Were there other witnesses over the years who didn’t go to the police? Or are the police just assuming this had been going on for a decade? Or did police find… eesh… 10 years worth of evidence behind that podium?

29 replies on “Math Is Hard”

  5. The school’s investigation “resulted in LaDuke’s termination Friday afternoon,” and “[s]chool officials then contacted Schaumburg police on Monday”?

    Do school administrators not think police work on the weekend, or did they not want to disrupt their own weekend plans, or did they want to give the perpetrator a head start?

  7. see, 75 struck me too. Fire him, yeah, but get this man to a doctor to check for early onset dementia before just throwing him in jail. I mean, if he checks out, throw him in jail, but he may just be senile.

  11. And it’s stories like that that make me glad the TARDIS can’t materialize into something like a podium.

    *I love you TARDIS!!*

  14. @13, how do you know are you older than 75? I truly hope I’m still obsessed with my pecker at that age (basically until the day I die). It’s depressing to think about life without sex.

  15. Meanwhile, one of the teachers at a local Christian school was fired for smoking – in her car, on her lunch breaks, off the school grounds – because it was a bad example for the students.

    Of course, the fact that she was socially liberal had nothing to do with it.

  16. I suppose this started long before he reached 75 (if it’s been going on for ten years, he was 65 when he started, and what was he doing before that). Maybe he simply got used to it and went on by inertia.

    How did he manage to actually solve math problems this way? I’d imagine masturbating doesn’t leave much attention left to the details of equations.

  17. Why do they have a “mass molestation unit”?

    I mean, child molestation is a problem, but how many incidents of *mass* molestation are there that they need a special unit just for that?

  20. So how did he get busted? Did one of the kids walk behind the podium and get a look at what he was doing of did he give himself away… “put the wa-wa-one down herrrrre and carry the t-t-t-t-TWO! Ah, much better.”

  24. @7 & @18 Y’all are disgustingly tolerant of people who bring themselves to climax while children watch.

    Seriously, what a fucked-up example of privilege.

  26. So he’s charged with “sexual exploitation of a child”. Nobody has alleged that he touched anybody other than himself. I think the appropriate charges would be indecent exposure and lewd & lascivious conduct.

  28. It really sounds to me as if the old man had a stroke or something that just started. As far as I can tell, he’s the only one saying anything about his having done this for the last 10 years.

    Seems as if the school acted correctly and immediately. They removed him, investigated, and called the cops. It sounds as if everyone is very surprised and saddened as the man was well-liked.

    Stroke can cause very sudden and profound changes in behavior. So sad, but it doesn’t sound as if he belongs in prison, and it doesn’t sound as if the Christian school acted badly.

Comments are closed.