wow dad, i didnt realize that you hated my drawing so much.
Posted by Eben Mudede on September 25, 2011 at 7:30 PM · Report

Once again, a child disappoints their parent. He knows he is banned from reading my work. My work is for the public, not the family. He broke this ban for no good reason. What is a father to do?

Charles Mudede—who writes about film, books, music, and his life in Rhodesia, Zimbabwe, the USA, and the UK for The Stranger—was born near a steel plant in Kwe Kwe, Zimbabwe. He has no memory...

56 replies on “My Son Commented on My Parenting Piece”

  2. Ha! A certain amount of snooping is to be expected. So now you have to deal.
    It’s understandable that a child’s drawings might not be technically appreciated but it’s their way of interpreting the world as it is projected in their minds. Plus it is interesting to see how these drawings develop over the years … even if the kid technically sucks at drawing.

  5. Opposite Parenting Method: Force him to read your work regularly, each piece with accompanying feedback or analysis (provided directly to you). In 2 weeks he’ll be asking for it to be over… 🙂

  9. There’s precedent, even for a stern father like yourself, for letting the kid off with a warning:
    “Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.”
    But the point is, you’re the father. If he’s really offended you, go with your instincts. As did the Old Man in the best war poem of all time, about WWI, but essentially universal, by Wilfred Owen:
    “….Behold,
    A ram, caught in a thicket by its horns;
    Offer the Ram of Pride instead of him.
    But the old man would not so, but slew his son,
    And half the seed of Europe, one by one.”

  20. I am trying to convince myself that your comment about being disappointed in your son is suppose to somehow be humorous to take attention away from the fact that you hurt your son’s feelings and he is most likely very disappointed in you. He did have a good reason, he is curious, as are all 14 year olds…you want to stifle his curiosity?

    If you were not trying to be funny, then all I have left is a creepy feeling that you are not a very good parent and probably should not be blogging about how to be a father.

  21. Why are you telling us about it? It sounds like a family issue, why make it a public one?

    OTOH, if you are going to post about family issues on the public internet, you should fully expect your children to read them at some point. “Ban” or no “ban”. The chances of one of their peers seeing something and mentioning it to them in school is more than enough to peak their curiosity (and mitigate their possible humiliation). How do you actually believe that “banning” them from reading your very public writing will in any way be effective?

    That “parenting piece” was depressing, and more a reflection of you than of your actual family. So much negativity.

  25. Man, I thought my old man was a bad father. At least his public humiliation of me was not done with the thought and care you put into this cheap shot at your children.

  28. Yo, Eben. It’s OK to disobey your father when he’s full of it, as in the present example. It’s also OK to knit if you’re a boy. It doesn’t make you gay. Being gay makes you gay.

  29. Many noted artists had disapproving overbearing fathers, I’d say to your kids “you’re in good company, because it has been confirmed your dad is an ass there is still hope for your artistic self”

  30. Make him write a 20 page paper on why the architecture of the firehouse on Yesler and 23rd represents marxist theory of class identity politics

  32. Dear Eben,

    I am so sorry. I had a fucked up father, too. The good news is that someday you’ll be eighteen and you’ll discover that the world is full of wonderful, kind, awesome people who will love you and admire you and be honest with you.

    Yes, it does get better.

  33. Mudede’s a pretty big attention whore, and there’s at least a 45 percent chance that he fabricated his son’s post to attract attention to his moribund shitty satire/think piece/ode to child neglect. He’s the kind of guy who probably thinks of himself as a performance artist forcing us to “confront the harsh visage of reality” or something.

  34. The best revenge is to become a day-trader, marry a white girl and embrace her European heritage. Name your kids Steve and Mandy. Raise them in a suburb with two cars, a flat-screen TV and a burglar alarm.

  36. Charles, a father must admit when he is wrong. Your ban is wrong. You know damned well that if your father had placed such a ban on you, you would have broken that ban at exactly that age, if not sooner. It is completely unrealistic to demand that he never read your writing, especially when it is easily and publicly available.

    He broke the ban for a very good reason. He is curious. That’s what smart kids are. You should be glad.

  37. @34 FTW!

    Charles, you shouldn’t encourage your children to be ignorant, particularly when it comes to how you see them. Let them read your tripe, or stop writing about them.

  40. I think Charles derives his power from the hate you people hurl his way–so much so that now he actively seeks out your censure. But by informing you guys of this, I may have provided the kryptonite to his majesty.

    I suppose I only partly mentioned this in jest. I typically deal with the world’s censure with drinking; I’m glad to see someone with a more constructive solution.

  44. @43 I’ve wondered the same thing. Has any Slogger ever actually met Charles? And been sure it’s really him, and not some actor Dan pays?

  45. @33, 38, 39 I have it on high authority that it really, truly was Charles’ son. Although I don’t know if you’ll believe an anonymous internet comment refuting other anonymous internet comments about a different anonymous internet comment.

  46. @43, 44: I’ve met Charles several times. We liveslogged Nigeria-Argentina at last year’s World Cup together. He is a charming, intelligent, urbane gentleman, and a lively raconteur, though his liveslog-setting-up skills leave something to be desired (we didn’t get into the system until the second half).

    I have no idea if he flogs his children or not, but if so they probably deserve it.

  47. I would advise you to quit being a fucking douchebag, respect your son’s right to learn about the world by absorbing all that is to be learned, and refrain from publishing things in public that you’re unwilling to defend to anyone. Perhaps you should also start treating your son with something vaguely like respect. I also advise you to go fuck yourself.

  48. “There’s no such thing as a happy childhood.” Sorry you didn’t have my mom and dad. Unconditional love and encouragement went a long way, and I’m still the hopeful, kind kid I was in 7th grade, and I’m going on 42 this year. Poor Charles.

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